Brown Paper Doll, a member of the ‘Rap is Poetry’ collective, delivers a raw and layered spoken word piece exploring her lifelong experience with neurodivergence, childhood trauma, rejection, and the intergenerational cycle of emotional harm. She weaves personal narrative and poetry together, ultimately arriving at a message of self-worth and liberation directed at her daughters and herself.
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Transcript
[02:51:10] Y’all have fun with that?
[02:51:12] Yeah.
[02:51:13] Like I said, it’s been a good mix of just like everything, which is dope.
[02:51:17] Rock and roll saves lives.
[02:51:19] Yes.
[02:51:20] Just so you know.
[02:51:21] All right.
[02:51:21] Moving forward, we’re going to do a round of applause for Brown Paper Doll and Artie Fox.
[02:51:28] Brown Paper Doll is up first.
[02:51:32] So we’ll move the show along.
[02:51:34] Yay.
[02:51:49] Hi, everybody.
[02:51:53] That wasn’t a joke.
[02:51:57] Okay.
[02:51:58] Hi, everybody.
[02:52:00] I am Brown Paper Doll.
[02:52:03] You can find me on IG.
[02:52:04] I am a member of a poetry collective created by Artie Fox called Rap is Poetry.
[02:52:17] All right.
[02:52:18] So essentially, one of the reasons that I’m so passionate about this brand is because
[02:52:23] authenticity has become key to my survival.
[02:52:28] Okay.
[02:52:29] In a long journey of getting early intervention services for my son, who had just like some
[02:52:34] sensory kind of pervasive things when he was younger, I began to learn about neurodivergence
[02:52:40] when I was a gifted kid.
[02:52:42] I’m something called hyperlexic.
[02:52:43] So I just randomly started reading as a toddler.
[02:52:46] Nobody knew why I was just talking to you outside about that.
[02:52:50] I’m a word lover.
[02:52:51] I can’t.
[02:52:51] If you’re talking to me and I can’t spell it in my head, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
[02:52:57] I don’t sound anything like the people where I’m from.
[02:53:00] I was raised like a black redneck.
[02:53:01] I’m from Virginia.
[02:53:02] Okay.
[02:53:02] Two up, two down.
[02:53:03] Okay.
[02:53:04] Pocketbook filling station, all that, the people in my family think I’m insane.
[02:53:08] But the point is, I spent a whole life being very reactionary because like that episode
[02:53:15] of SpongeBob where he thought he was ugly because his breath stank, he didn’t know
[02:53:19] what it was.
[02:53:20] Okay.
[02:53:21] I didn’t know what it was that was constantly getting me rejected most of my life.
[02:53:26] Okay.
[02:53:27] So I’m just going to do a little piece for you because as I moved through these things
[02:53:31] as a mother of three children.
[02:53:33] As they battle the world, my goal in everything that I do is to figure out how to do this
[02:53:38] for them.
[02:53:39] And if I can’t, then I have to change the world.
[02:53:41] Okay.
[02:53:43] I was followed.
[02:53:44] So they call me a leader.
[02:53:49] I was prey.
[02:53:49] I was hunted.
[02:53:50] I became a mind reader.
[02:53:53] Add to that the shape shifting.
[02:53:55] You’ve got yourself a people pleaser.
[02:53:58] You’ve got a girl whose every action could potentially deceive her.
[02:54:02] Turned.
[02:54:03] Turned grown woman fighting like hell in efforts to retrieve herself after a life
[02:54:08] of trying to be anyone else in her head, still beating herself with her mother’s belt for
[02:54:13] any human imperfection, any criticism, any need for correction, turning inward and outward,
[02:54:20] seeking connection.
[02:54:21] She became deeply terrified of rejection because for a child, love needs protection
[02:54:26] and the absence of that equals death.
[02:54:28] And so she turned to rage as a means of deflection.
[02:54:32] And still ultimately neglected her unheard, thinking so much.
[02:54:39] I can’t hear my own words.
[02:54:40] I was seeking to blur, said to do not disturb.
[02:54:44] And they keep asking me where it hurts.
[02:54:48] Everywhere, nowhere.
[02:54:50] It’s not like anybody fucking cares.
[02:54:52] I poured my open heart out to too many blank stares.
[02:54:55] There’s something wrong about something so rare I’m starting to think I don’t belong.
[02:55:02] Anywhere they say you can never go home again.
[02:55:04] Why the fuck would I want to get back there?
[02:55:06] I was terrified of my mother’s rage.
[02:55:10] Of the unpredictable stage.
[02:55:12] When she’d say things to me that would stick to me for days.
[02:55:15] I think that’s when I learned to lock myself in this cage.
[02:55:18] And I’m still trying to get out.
[02:55:21] But they want to know what I’m all about.
[02:55:23] I’ll tell you what I tell my daughters.
[02:55:26] Pretty mean sharks in the water.
[02:55:27] And they will blame you if they smell blood.
[02:55:30] They will attack.
[02:55:31] And if you’re ready.
[02:55:31] But yeah, they’ll say you think too much.
[02:55:35] Accuse you of an inability to trust.
[02:55:36] You will ask for love.
[02:55:37] And they will give you lust.
[02:55:39] Call you a diamond and discard you like dust.
[02:55:41] You’re the one that’s got to know that you’re enough.
[02:55:45] It’s the only way to call their bluff.
[02:55:46] And even if you give a fuck, you can never let them know they’ve touched your insecurities.
[02:55:51] You keep heart guarded, not on sleep.
[02:55:53] You make them earn every ounce of your royal energy.
[02:55:57] You be better than me.
[02:56:01] You be better than me.
[02:56:05] I give you permission to tell the story of how my hurting hurt more than me.
[02:56:09] And I think my mother would agree.
[02:56:11] We’re all just trying to figure out who we’re supposed to be.
[02:56:15] Nobody really knows what any of it means.
[02:56:17] Just get free.
[02:56:18] Whatever it takes.
[02:56:19] Get free.
[02:56:20] Thank y’all.
[02:56:22] You can find me on IG at Brown Paper Doll Poetry.
[02:56:25] Up next is Artie Bach.