Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9RtAz8_CKI Starts at: 02:51:10 (jump to 02:51:10)
Brown Paper Doll Performs Spoken Word on Identity and Healing
[02:51:10] Y’all have fun with that? [02:51:12] Yeah. [02:51:13] Like I said, it’s been a good mix of just like everything, which is dope. [02:51:17] Rock and roll saves lives. [02:51:19] Yes. [02:51:20] Just so you know. [02:51:21] All right. [02:51:21] Moving forward, we’re going to do a round of applause for Brown Paper Doll and Artie Fox. [02:51:28] Brown Paper Doll is up first. [02:51:32] So we’ll move the show along. [02:51:34] Yay. [02:51:49] Hi, everybody. [02:51:53] That wasn’t a joke. [02:51:57] Okay. [02:51:58] Hi, everybody. [02:52:00] I am Brown Paper Doll. [02:52:03] You can find me on IG. [02:52:04] I am a member of a poetry collective created by Artie Fox called Rap is Poetry. [02:52:17] All right. [02:52:18] So essentially, one of the reasons that I’m so passionate about this brand is because [02:52:23] authenticity has become key to my survival. [02:52:28] Okay. [02:52:29] In a long journey of getting early intervention services for my son, who had just like some [02:52:34] sensory kind of pervasive things when he was younger, I began to learn about neurodivergence [02:52:40] when I was a gifted kid. [02:52:42] I’m something called hyperlexic. [02:52:43] So I just randomly started reading as a toddler. [02:52:46] Nobody knew why I was just talking to you outside about that. [02:52:50] I’m a word lover. [02:52:51] I can’t. [02:52:51] If you’re talking to me and I can’t spell it in my head, I don’t know what you’re talking about. [02:52:57] I don’t sound anything like the people where I’m from. [02:53:00] I was raised like a black redneck. [02:53:01] I’m from Virginia. [02:53:02] Okay. [02:53:02] Two up, two down. [02:53:03] Okay. [02:53:04] Pocketbook filling station, all that, the people in my family think I’m insane. [02:53:08] But the point is, I spent a whole life being very reactionary because like that episode [02:53:15] of SpongeBob where he thought he was ugly because his breath stank, he didn’t know [02:53:19] what it was. [02:53:20] Okay. [02:53:21] I didn’t know what it was that was constantly getting me rejected most of my life. [02:53:26] Okay. [02:53:27] So I’m just going to do a little piece for you because as I moved through these things [02:53:31] as a mother of three children. [02:53:33] As they battle the world, my goal in everything that I do is to figure out how to do this [02:53:38] for them. [02:53:39] And if I can’t, then I have to change the world. [02:53:41] Okay. [02:53:43] I was followed. [02:53:44] So they call me a leader. [02:53:49] I was prey. [02:53:49] I was hunted. [02:53:50] I became a mind reader. [02:53:53] Add to that the shape shifting. [02:53:55] You’ve got yourself a people pleaser. [02:53:58] You’ve got a girl whose every action could potentially deceive her. [02:54:02] Turned. [02:54:03] Turned grown woman fighting like hell in efforts to retrieve herself after a life [02:54:08] of trying to be anyone else in her head, still beating herself with her mother’s belt for [02:54:13] any human imperfection, any criticism, any need for correction, turning inward and outward, [02:54:20] seeking connection. [02:54:21] She became deeply terrified of rejection because for a child, love needs protection [02:54:26] and the absence of that equals death. [02:54:28] And so she turned to rage as a means of deflection. [02:54:32] And still ultimately neglected her unheard, thinking so much. [02:54:39] I can’t hear my own words. [02:54:40] I was seeking to blur, said to do not disturb. [02:54:44] And they keep asking me where it hurts. [02:54:48] Everywhere, nowhere. [02:54:50] It’s not like anybody fucking cares. [02:54:52] I poured my open heart out to too many blank stares. [02:54:55] There’s something wrong about something so rare I’m starting to think I don’t belong. [02:55:02] Anywhere they say you can never go home again. [02:55:04] Why the fuck would I want to get back there? [02:55:06] I was terrified of my mother’s rage. [02:55:10] Of the unpredictable stage. [02:55:12] When she’d say things to me that would stick to me for days. [02:55:15] I think that’s when I learned to lock myself in this cage. [02:55:18] And I’m still trying to get out. [02:55:21] But they want to know what I’m all about. [02:55:23] I’ll tell you what I tell my daughters. [02:55:26] Pretty mean sharks in the water. [02:55:27] And they will blame you if they smell blood. [02:55:30] They will attack. [02:55:31] And if you’re ready. [02:55:31] But yeah, they’ll say you think too much. [02:55:35] Accuse you of an inability to trust. [02:55:36] You will ask for love. [02:55:37] And they will give you lust. [02:55:39] Call you a diamond and discard you like dust. [02:55:41] You’re the one that’s got to know that you’re enough. [02:55:45] It’s the only way to call their bluff. [02:55:46] And even if you give a fuck, you can never let them know they’ve touched your insecurities. [02:55:51] You keep heart guarded, not on sleep. [02:55:53] You make them earn every ounce of your royal energy. [02:55:57] You be better than me. [02:56:01] You be better than me. [02:56:05] I give you permission to tell the story of how my hurting hurt more than me. [02:56:09] And I think my mother would agree. [02:56:11] We’re all just trying to figure out who we’re supposed to be. [02:56:15] Nobody really knows what any of it means. [02:56:17] Just get free. [02:56:18] Whatever it takes. [02:56:19] Get free. [02:56:20] Thank y’all. [02:56:22] You can find me on IG at Brown Paper Doll Poetry. [02:56:25] Up next is Artie Bach.