An unknown comedian delivers a stand-up set at SYT Pittsburgh, sharing a candid and darkly humorous account of living with bipolar disorder, intrusive thoughts (unwanted thought syndrome), binge eating, and substance use as coping mechanisms. The set moves from self-deprecating jokes about therapy stigma and family dynamics to earnest reflections on hitting rock bottom before finding stability through a new relationship, proper diagnosis, and ongoing mental health treatment.
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Transcript
[00:02:55] very much all right I love sort of first of all also like just being like a man and being like a
[00:02:59] big dude like it’s very you know you see a therapist my family’s been like well what’s wrong
[00:03:05] with you because well you’re my family it’s like I love seeing my therapist it’s been really
[00:03:11] beneficial um I think like a lot of comedians dude same like anxiety depression substance abuse
[00:03:18] all right all that stuff um I never really did like drugs though because I’m terrified of drugs
[00:03:24] I did do poppers once long story
[00:03:29] so I started learning this is not the fight by the way this is the serious part she’s like
[00:03:39] so I hated school so when I learned that you got sick you could go home I would fake being
[00:03:49] sick all the time okay like one time I got a nosebleed I was like I gotta call the ticket
[00:03:56] so
[00:03:59] I would do stuff I would like hit myself in the nose I would stab myself with pencils and
[00:04:05] pens to make my nose bleed okay so that I could be like and so I could go home because I hated
[00:04:14] being at school I was that way the whole time I hated it so much they followed me through my
[00:04:19] adult life right I stole it all right and so as I got older I kind of just like kept doing that
[00:04:26] drinking
[00:04:29] cigarettes started smoking weed you know that was like all the drugs for me but it was like
[00:04:35] when I became like an adult and started working like normal jobs and stuff I started learning
[00:04:39] that it wasn’t so much about like having fun or having a good time or like partying I just wanted
[00:04:47] to feel different dude I just wanted to not feel anxious or depressed I just wanted to feel
[00:04:55] different okay so uh six years ago
[00:04:59] before I met my wife I went through a bad breakup all right and it kind of spiraled
[00:05:05] all right and so it turned into like drinking smoking also I learned that um my number one
[00:05:15] advice it’s not alcohol it’s not weed it’s actually food I’m a binge eater okay so it’s
[00:05:21] written I actually I I guess like kind of have an eating disorder
[00:05:27] so
[00:05:29] my job okay I quit my job and I was just driving Uber I was a wedding DJ and doing comedy all right
[00:05:38] and I was like just freaking by so every day I would like get up in the morning and drive
[00:05:44] Uber for the morning rush I’d go home and sleep then I drive Uber again until about like 11 o’clock
[00:05:51] midnight and then almost every day almost every day I would go like sheets for Get Go
[00:05:59] would get beer and i get like a big huggy or something and like two candy bars or cookie
[00:06:06] stuff right and i go home and i would consume all of this i consume all of it okay and then i would
[00:06:14] like i also bought a lot of weird okay like i would just be drunk and just buy things
[00:06:23] so like sunoco would sell these like he’s like used dvds in a cardboard scene
[00:06:30] you ever see them for some reason i own not one but two copies of underworld rise of the lichens
[00:06:37] so i also deal with it’s called unwanted thought syndrome okay or intrusive thoughts
[00:06:42] so and that’s that’s that’s a delight because what that is is when you’re like doing something
[00:06:48] normal like this hanging out with all your friends and telling jokes and your brain
[00:06:53] like hey you’re having a good time right now but would you like to see an endless loop
[00:07:00] of yourself falling downstairs and breaking all your teeth
[00:07:07] so it started affecting me physically that i had a hand with my you know main air right
[00:07:11] be hanging out talking and all of a sudden i was having kind of like these like
[00:07:16] like almost like a seizure but not really but just like my brain is showing me these like awful
[00:07:22] images
[00:07:23] of like breaking my teeth you know getting shot by a mass shooter okay falling off of like a balcony
[00:07:30] and breaking my legs you know and this like really affected me physically so i would rather
[00:07:38] go home and eat all that food and drink all of that beer and just be drunk and bloated
[00:07:45] because that felt better than how i felt every day
[00:07:51] and then um i met my wife
[00:07:54] and she is wonderful also right now is that what you can’t in your relationships i’m sorry
[00:08:03] so it’s very important that you can’t expect the person in your relationship to make you happy
[00:08:08] okay you have to make yourself happy and then share the happiness with them yes
[00:08:19] and also irish bipolar
[00:08:24] i am bipolar and i had one doctor this is my thing with the doctors they’re awful
[00:08:29] and ghoulish and uh i went to but you need to go to them and i’ve been to the like pre-pubescent
[00:08:35] ones who hand you dum-dums you know and then the old guy who sits at his computer and doesn’t look
[00:08:41] at you and then i went to this one woman and she was sitting there and i was telling her my symptoms
[00:08:47] and she goes um have you been looking at the internet
[00:08:54] i wanted i went no um what means this internet i came here in a horse and carriage
[00:09:04] but i’m feeling really good i’m trying to take better care of myself though
[00:09:08] i saw a new start seeing a new doctor they put me on the no more to your shampoo
[00:09:14] which is uh i’m not helping i went back i was like look doc listen i’ve got my dosage i’m taking
[00:09:19] seven showers a day
[00:09:23] and i still don’t feel any better
[00:09:27] they have since added the no more anxiety conditioner
[00:09:30] and now not only do i feel better but i can do this