Eileen Gaffney delivers her first-ever public poetry reading, performing ‘Cloaks, Coats & Christianity,’ a raw and unflinching spoken-word piece confronting childhood sexual abuse by trusted community and religious figures in the 1960s. She prefaces her performance with personal context — her age, her cancer survivorship, and her vulnerability as a first-time public reader — before delivering vivid, visceral imagery of violation, cover-up, and lasting trauma.
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Transcript
[03:27:22] Eileen Gaffney.
[03:27:25] Hey.
[03:27:29] I don’t know how to use this mic.
[03:27:30] That’s what I know.
[03:27:32] I’m gonna try to get on the stage.
[03:27:34] No, please don’t go for it.
[03:27:35] Actually, that’s a bad idea.
[03:27:37] Many, many reasons.
[03:27:39] Lawsuits.
[03:27:40] Hi, everybody.
[03:27:42] This has been a wonderful night
[03:27:43] after all the incredible artists, performers, the energy.
[03:27:51] I’m almost embarrassed to be up here,
[03:27:53] but I’m not gonna chicken out.
[03:28:01] Also, the very first speaker said
[03:28:03] that we were supposed to keep it light.
[03:28:05] I didn’t get the memo,
[03:28:07] so I’m gonna apologize if I end on a not light note.
[03:28:10] All right, I’m gonna take this down a little bit.
[03:28:14] Again, my name’s Eileen Gaffney.
[03:28:16] This is my first public reading of any of my poetry.
[03:28:20] Just two very quick things.
[03:28:23] I’m telling you this because I think they’re relevant
[03:28:24] to my poems.
[03:28:26] I am 63 years of age, or 63 years young,
[03:28:30] and I’m usually now very embarrassed
[03:28:32] or stupidly reluctant to tell people my age.
[03:28:34] But I’m doing it in this context
[03:28:36] because my first poem is based on the years
[03:28:38] between 1965 and 1968.
[03:28:39] 1965 and 1967.
[03:28:41] And the other one is more recent.
[03:28:45] And then lastly, I am a quote,
[03:28:47] I’m not sure if I like this word or not,
[03:28:48] survivor of head and neck cancer quite a few years back.
[03:28:57] So when nervous, my mouth gets very dry,
[03:29:01] so I might reach for my water.
[03:29:03] Okay, I think it’s over there.
[03:29:04] I think I’m okay.
[03:29:06] Anyway, again, like I said,
[03:29:07] this is probably a little darker than it should be,
[03:29:09] and I’m gonna start before I run out of time.
[03:29:14] Okay.
[03:29:16] Cloaks, Coats, and Christianity.
[03:29:20] As you read this, I realize your ignorance.
[03:29:23] I accept you will believe this is about everybody except you.
[03:29:27] You may be so appalled and sickened,
[03:29:30] yet you remain so self-immersed, so judgmental,
[03:29:33] you will never see the forest for the trees see you.
[03:29:37] Pedophiles and priests, pervert church docents,
[03:29:42] their 1960s wives, decades of cloaked, hidden lies,
[03:29:49] naked deceit, abuse those so once nearly newly sweet,
[03:29:55] abuse the most innocence.
[03:29:57] Do you know the day, the hour, the moment you sold your soul?
[03:30:02] Or were your transgressions and abuses made gradually,
[03:30:06] groaningly, in vain?
[03:30:07] And both areищ gloomyly, using the Lord’s word,
[03:30:11] the way, as your shield.
[03:30:13] As long as the lines blurred,
[03:30:16] severe disobedience not crossed,
[03:30:21] you use your contraventions, your flatterings to literally,
[03:30:23] fuck the cross.
[03:30:25] I pray to God they both all will fucking,
[03:30:28] rot rot,
[03:30:29] ma and hell,
[03:30:30] in hattie,s in fire.
[03:30:32] For the prey against me,
[03:30:35] to me,
[03:30:36] and many who
[03:30:36] 미� apartment hmy h주세요는 대� Pirate because I am I,
[03:30:36] hate because I am close to you.
[03:30:37] and many others, I am sure,
[03:30:39] even their own children not spared.
[03:30:46] Sleepovers at the neighbor’s respectable, reputable home.
[03:30:51] So many children of their own.
[03:30:53] How could anything go wrong?
[03:30:55] Deviant, aberrant, violated, time and time and time again.
[03:31:00] A home like the villain’s crypt
[03:31:03] in the Batman of decades gone by.
[03:31:08] Views askew, sideways, sometimes upside down.
[03:31:13] Asleep in one bed to awaken naked in another
[03:31:16] or in the hall alone, cold, disoriented, always naked.
[03:31:22] Blindfolds and hot breath, sometimes excited fast,
[03:31:26] sometimes others slow and long.
[03:31:32] Always wet.
[03:31:33] Moist, wet.
[03:31:35] Insertions of things where not belonged.
[03:31:38] Letcherous, wrong.
[03:31:41] Cuts, scrapes, bruises, abrasions.
[03:31:44] A vertical drop down from monkey bars.
[03:31:48] A hard straight down fall, legs spread wide,
[03:31:52] direct hit onto cylindrical steel bars below.
[03:31:56] An unfortunate landing, I am told.
[03:31:58] A cut, scarred chin, bicycle fall to blame.
[03:32:07] A severely chipped tooth, culprit,
[03:32:09] a small concrete animal, hippo, elephant,
[03:32:12] supported by a large, coiled, tight, single spring,
[03:32:16] living in a nearby park.
[03:32:18] One’s really road, one’s really rocked.
[03:32:23] There is blood, but not much I recall.
[03:32:26] My memory is good, great, almost, cleverly.
[03:32:28] Most clairvoyant.
[03:32:29] Then nothing, nil, blackout, blankout, total darkness.
[03:32:37] This is why this last guy scared me.
[03:32:44] Tormented nightmares begin, follow, ensue, pursue.
[03:32:52] Till and long after I emerge.
[03:32:55] Sorry guys, too long.
[03:32:56] Thank you.
[03:32:58] If you get the general picture,
[03:33:00] and I’m sorry to end on a bad note, but.
[03:33:10] All right.
[03:33:13] Thank you very much.
[03:33:14] I was gonna finish the very end, but I’m good.