Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGmNfDfUT5M Starts at: 02:46:20 (jump to 02:46:20)
Lauren Jewell — Story of Addiction Recovery & Mind-Body Healing
[02:46:21] We can’t even see the next name. [02:46:24] Tell them. [02:46:25] What? [02:46:26] Come back. [02:46:27] What? [02:46:28] No, we know who’s next. [02:46:31] Oh, you remember the name? [02:46:31] All right, yeah. [02:46:32] Oh, you remember the name? [02:46:33] Do I remember the name? [02:46:34] You got all the names memorized? [02:46:36] And I got the names memorized. [02:46:40] Why you looking down? [02:46:43] I’m old. [02:46:43] My back hurts. [02:46:45] It’s like, no, let me look at these names here. [02:46:48] Oh. [02:46:49] Oh. [02:46:50] Oh. [02:46:51] Oh, oh. [02:46:55] Oh. [02:46:56] You had it memorized. [02:46:56] No. [02:46:57] The ADHD kicked in, [02:46:59] and I went all the way [02:47:00] to the bottom of the page, [02:47:01] and I was just like, [02:47:02] oh, that’s who’s next. [02:47:03] Clearly not. [02:47:04] All right. [02:47:06] Oh, that’s why I need you. [02:47:07] Yeah, otherwise, [02:47:08] this nonprofit would just collapse. [02:47:10] Telling you. [02:47:10] Thank you, Tyler. [02:47:11] Everybody clap for Tyler real quick. [02:47:15] This is not possible without Tyler. [02:47:18] I’m just letting you guys know right now. [02:47:20] If you’re messaging Speak Your Truth crew, [02:47:22] you’re not messaging anybody but Tyler. [02:47:25] You wake him up in the middle of the night [02:47:27] for these messages. [02:47:28] Thank you, Tyler. [02:47:30] Clap again for Tyler, guys. [02:47:35] All right. [02:47:37] Let’s get a slow clap for my boy, Carter. [02:47:44] I know who’s there. [02:47:46] Yeah. [02:47:47] Coming to the stage, Lauren Jewell. [02:47:55] Oh, he got the okey-doke. [02:47:57] You were just supposed to do the slow clap. [02:47:58] Slow clap, sir. [02:47:59] Yes. [02:48:00] The eagerness. [02:48:01] The eagerness. [02:48:01] I love it. [02:48:02] I love it. [02:48:03] I’m here for it. [02:48:05] Here we go. [02:48:06] Oh, Lauren, what’s good? [02:48:08] I ain’t seen you since high school. [02:48:11] Hey, that’s what’s up. [02:48:13] Speak Your Truth, [02:48:14] always making connections. [02:48:15] Look at us. [02:48:18] Okay, you’re allowed, I think. [02:48:25] Is it on? [02:48:26] Is it on? [02:48:27] All right. [02:48:28] All right. [02:48:28] So I didn’t really know what this was going to be when I came here. [02:48:31] Honestly, I was honored to be invited to it by another friend who introduced me to Tyler. [02:48:37] And so instead of preparing anything, I actually decided to come and honor something that I’m teaching myself, [02:48:43] which is to trust myself, right? [02:48:46] So I prepared a speech. [02:48:49] And about 12 hours ago, I said, fuck this. [02:48:53] I’m not remembering this speech. [02:48:55] I had no idea I could bring it up here, right? [02:48:56] I was like, I’m not memorizing this. [02:48:58] I’m not going to do any of that. [02:48:59] But what I do know is that I do have a really important message to share with you guys. [02:49:03] And if you were to look up here right now at me, you probably would not know about five years ago I was shooting up for 12 years. [02:49:12] And I struggled with addiction for half my life, essentially. [02:49:16] I drank for five, and then I was on opiates for 10. [02:49:20] And it’s very ironic because today when I showed up here, I ran into a friend who was there with me. [02:49:27] When I got sober back in August in 2019. [02:49:32] And what has happened since then has been nothing short than a miracle. [02:49:39] He asked me what I’ve been up to since the last time we saw each other. [02:49:49] And the truth is that when I got sober, I found myself struggling with anxiety, with depression. [02:49:57] And with a, what the fuck, I did not get sober to feel this fucking way. [02:50:02] About six months in, okay? [02:50:04] I had never gone to therapy. [02:50:06] I only knew how to cope through substance or love or running away or avoiding, right? [02:50:16] And what I found was that I was at a crossroads because COVID hit, ironically. [02:50:20] And I was like, well, this is not fucking good. [02:50:22] I don’t know what’s happening right here. [02:50:24] But I did know I was at a crossroads. [02:50:26] And within that crossroads. [02:50:27] I decided after they put me on five more medications, the minute when I went in there to tell them how I was feeling, [02:50:35] I said, I got to find another way. [02:50:38] I have to, this isn’t it. [02:50:40] This isn’t it. [02:50:41] I will use this, but this isn’t it. [02:50:42] And what I found was, was that one of the biggest illusions we’ve ever been sold is that the mind and body are separate. [02:50:51] It’s the biggest fucking lie we’ve ever been told. [02:50:54] And when we are. [02:50:57] In our head all the time, just in our head, in our head, worrying about everything, worrying about how we feel, mad that we feel bad, but we got to feel our feelings, all of these things. [02:51:07] What happens is, is that it’s not the emotion, it’s the resistance to feeling. [02:51:14] And when we resist feeling, what happens is, is that we create a fight or flight resistance in our body and it creates chronic disease. [02:51:23] It creates the symptoms. [02:51:25] It creates the tense. [02:51:26] A tense body is a tense mind. [02:51:27] And so when we can begin to understand that it’s not just nutrition, it’s not working out, it’s not just talking about our emotions, it is actually just, just, just lean into feeling, lean into it. [02:51:43] It’s, it’s, it’s energy in motion. [02:51:46] And when we can do that, everything else falls into place. [02:51:49] And that’s what happened to me over the past five years was that I did it all. [02:51:53] I go to school. [02:51:54] I did the nutrition thing. [02:51:56] I went to school for. [02:51:57] Subconscious mind. [02:51:58] I went to school to learn how to move my body. [02:52:01] I became a pro at weightlifting, picking up heavy things and putting them back down. [02:52:07] It just never was enough until I realized that it was the very thing I was avoiding was to feel better. [02:52:13] And I just wasn’t fucking feeling. [02:52:16] We all do it. [02:52:17] We want to feel better. [02:52:18] So I’m going to start eating better. [02:52:19] So what I found was, was that when we can begin to really honor our body and realize that energy and motion is in our. [02:52:27] Our body, it’s not our mind, and we can begin to create a new relationship with our body and say, hello, thank you. [02:52:33] I’m so sorry. [02:52:34] I stuck IVs in you. [02:52:36] I yelled at you. [02:52:37] I looked in the mirror. [02:52:38] I shamed you. [02:52:38] I had a narcissistic relationship with you. [02:52:41] That’s when I began to heal. [02:52:45] That’s when I realized it wasn’t a game of he said, she said all these things. [02:52:49] It was more of a game of, I love you. [02:52:51] I’m sorry. [02:52:51] How are you? [02:52:53] Thank you, Bobby. [02:52:54] I love you, Bobby. [02:52:55] I’m sorry, Bobby. [02:52:58] And it was then that I realized when I could hold capacity for myself and feel those feelings, I could hold it for you. [02:53:05] I could hold it for you and I could welcome in all the emotions because the more that we suppress, the more that we repress was what I did, because I thought that was the answer to everything for 28 years led to me coping through addiction, led through me coping through relationships. [02:53:23] It led through me abusing myself and wondering why. [02:53:27] It wasn’t until I finally felt it and I said, oh, I was holding, I was punishing myself because I was internalizing it all. [02:53:38] And so when I let it go and I allowed myself to get really raw and really real, that’s when my life changed and I ended up on a stage one day. [02:53:49] Thank you, guys. [02:53:54] Hey. [02:53:55] Hey, come in. [02:53:56] Hey, come in. [02:53:57] Hey, good to see you again.