Anna Sharpina, a Ukrainian-born military veteran and mental health specialist, delivers a raw and powerful personal narrative spanning immigration, combat deployment, the loss of her fiancé, a multiple sclerosis diagnosis, and a suicide attempt on December 12, 2022. She chronicles her path from her lowest point to recovery — including therapy, a return to purpose helping veterans, and hiking to Everest Base Camp — closing with a meditation on grief, love, and resilience.
×
Transcript
[01:11:30] great
[01:11:31] thanks
[01:11:33] these
[01:11:41] York
[01:11:42] where is it
[01:11:43] but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down.
[01:11:46] Just kidding, I’m not gonna sing it
[01:11:48] and torture you with that.
[01:11:50] But that used to be my song, my motto,
[01:11:53] when life would throw a bunch of shit at me.
[01:11:57] I used to be the queen of resilience.
[01:11:59] I taught it, I lived it.
[01:12:01] I was the one convincing others to give me their guns
[01:12:04] in their darkest moments, and I’d guide them back to hope.
[01:12:08] That was me until 12 December, 2022,
[01:12:12] when I was the one holding my own gun,
[01:12:15] building up the courage to pull the trigger
[01:12:17] once the metal didn’t feel so cold against my skin.
[01:12:21] I was born in Ukraine during USSR.
[01:12:24] Does anybody know where that is?
[01:12:26] Where the resilience became my companion early on.
[01:12:30] We didn’t have much, not even running water,
[01:12:32] and used an outhouse,
[01:12:34] but I had my loving grandparents by my side.
[01:12:37] At 12 years old, I moved to the States with my mom.
[01:12:40] I only had a suitcase,
[01:12:42] and didn’t know any English.
[01:12:44] Determined to give back to this country,
[01:12:46] I joined the military and became a mental health specialist.
[01:12:49] I loved it, until tragedy struck.
[01:12:53] I was five minutes away from our apartment
[01:12:55] when I get the call that my boyfriend shot himself.
[01:12:58] It hurt so much.
[01:13:00] It knocked me down, but I found a way to get back up again.
[01:13:05] I deployed to Afghanistan.
[01:13:07] It was a challenging deployment.
[01:13:09] There were a lot of casualties, and my heart ached
[01:13:12] for everyone who trusted me with their struggles.
[01:13:15] I met my fiance at an Irish bar.
[01:13:17] He grabbed me to dance,
[01:13:18] and we danced for the next six years,
[01:13:21] until April 17th, 2019.
[01:13:24] I got a call that he was in a serious accident
[01:13:28] during military free fall training.
[01:13:31] I knew right away that he had died.
[01:13:35] Nick was a green beret,
[01:13:37] and he died doing what he loved.
[01:13:39] I lost the person I loved.
[01:13:41] I lost the future we had planned for,
[01:13:43] but I still managed to get back up.
[01:13:47] I deployed again, and three months into the deployment,
[01:13:50] all of a sudden I felt this numbness move up
[01:13:53] from my feet to my ribs.
[01:13:55] I just knew I was becoming paralyzed.
[01:13:58] The aid station finally took me seriously
[01:14:00] and sent me for an MRI.
[01:14:03] A neurologist there said it could be two things,
[01:14:05] a tumor on your spine or something sexy.
[01:14:09] I’m like, give me the sexy thing.
[01:14:11] I said.
[01:14:12] It was multiple sclerosis.
[01:14:16] Within hours, I was on a medevac flight to Germany,
[01:14:19] then Walter Reed Hospital with a confirmed diagnosis of MS.
[01:14:23] I now had lesions on my spine and my brain.
[01:14:26] I had lost my body and my mind I once had,
[01:14:30] but I still found a way to get back up.
[01:14:33] After 13 years in the military,
[01:14:35] I was deemed non-deployable
[01:14:37] and medically retired because of MS,
[01:14:39] but I can still help people,
[01:14:40] I told them.
[01:14:42] It didn’t matter.
[01:14:43] I lost my career.
[01:14:44] I lost my purpose.
[01:14:47] Seems like there’s a pattern of me getting phone calls
[01:14:49] with all the bad news.
[01:14:50] But once again, I got a call from my mom
[01:14:54] that my grandpa had died in Ukraine.
[01:14:56] It tore me apart and it knocked me down.
[01:15:00] Months later, the war in Ukraine kicked off
[01:15:03] and two weeks later, my grandma died.
[01:15:06] I thought the universe was playing a very sick joke on me.
[01:15:09] I tried to stay strong.
[01:15:10] And take care of my two dogs,
[01:15:13] but not even their love was enough.
[01:15:16] I felt alone, lonely, and had no more hope.
[01:15:20] Every single day, I wished I was dead.
[01:15:23] I could not get back up.
[01:15:26] I didn’t want my girls to go to the pound,
[01:15:28] so on 12 December, I posted a picture of them that read,
[01:15:32] please take care of my girls.
[01:15:34] The barrel of my handgun was feeling warmer and warmer
[01:15:38] when I heard the voices of my dog walking friends.
[01:15:40] And my neighbor at the door.
[01:15:43] I was not alone.
[01:15:44] And I promised them I’d get help.
[01:15:47] Six days later, I was dreading to be awake.
[01:15:50] But something pushed me to look at my ring camera recording
[01:15:54] from the night before.
[01:15:55] As I scrolled through the video,
[01:15:57] I saw a beautiful red fox come to the back door.
[01:16:01] I’ve never seen a fox in my neighborhood,
[01:16:03] so I thought this was insane.
[01:16:06] The fox walked around and took a drink
[01:16:08] out of the dog’s water bowl.
[01:16:10] I just thought that that was the coolest thing.
[01:16:12] Until that fox turns around and takes a massive piss
[01:16:16] right into the dog’s bowl.
[01:16:18] And that’s when I realized,
[01:16:20] I have let my life become a bowl full of fox piss.
[01:16:25] I had lost the person I once was, and I wanted her back.
[01:16:30] I decided to ask for help, for real this time.
[01:16:33] And I called a veteran nonprofit.
[01:16:35] I was connected to an amazing therapist
[01:16:37] who knew how to deal with complex grief.
[01:16:40] Six months later, I started working on my resume.
[01:16:43] And when I saw a job posting for that same nonprofit,
[01:16:46] I applied and I got it.
[01:16:48] For over a year now, I’m back to helping others.
[01:16:51] I found an even bigger purpose outside the military.
[01:16:55] The girl who grew up using an outhouse
[01:16:57] is now walking, working blocks away from the White House.
[01:17:01] In May, I flew to Nepal to meet up
[01:17:03] with a group of others living with MS
[01:17:05] to hike 85 miles to Everest Base Camp, because fuck MS.
[01:17:10] I went from hitting my lowest point
[01:17:18] to now standing next to the tallest mountain.
[01:17:21] And I’m standing here today.
[01:17:24] With all the losses I went through,
[01:17:25] I have come to realize that we’re bound to experience
[01:17:28] two powerful forces in life, grief and love.
[01:17:33] While grief may cast shadows upon our days,
[01:17:36] it is a reflection of depth for our capacity to love.
[01:17:40] Grief in its rawest form signifies
[01:17:42] the price we pay for love, the ache in our hearts
[01:17:46] when we bid farewell, the weight that
[01:17:48] settles within us when life takes unexpected turns.
[01:17:52] Yet grief is also a tribute to the love we shared,
[01:17:56] the memories we cherish, and the immense impact
[01:17:59] of those we hold dear.
[01:18:01] Love, conversely, serves as a guiding light
[01:18:04] through the darkest moments.
[01:18:06] It emanates warmth when we embrace our loved ones.
[01:18:09] It grants us strength, purpose, and hope.
[01:18:13] Let us not fear grief, for it is a testament
[01:18:16] to the profound connections that bind us.
[01:18:18] Instead, let us honor it, allowing it to remind us
[01:18:22] of the precious gift of love within our hearts.
[01:18:25] And let us always hold onto the truth that in the end,
[01:18:28] love will always prevail.
[01:18:31] And if you’re struggling today,
[01:18:33] just know your fox will find you.
[01:18:40] Hey!
[01:18:44] Good shit.