Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGmNfDfUT5M Starts at: 01:11:30 (jump to 01:11:30)
Anna Sharpina — Story of Resilience, Loss & Recovery
[01:11:30] great [01:11:31] thanks [01:11:33] these [01:11:41] York [01:11:42] where is it [01:11:43] but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down. [01:11:46] Just kidding, I’m not gonna sing it [01:11:48] and torture you with that. [01:11:50] But that used to be my song, my motto, [01:11:53] when life would throw a bunch of shit at me. [01:11:57] I used to be the queen of resilience. [01:11:59] I taught it, I lived it. [01:12:01] I was the one convincing others to give me their guns [01:12:04] in their darkest moments, and I’d guide them back to hope. [01:12:08] That was me until 12 December, 2022, [01:12:12] when I was the one holding my own gun, [01:12:15] building up the courage to pull the trigger [01:12:17] once the metal didn’t feel so cold against my skin. [01:12:21] I was born in Ukraine during USSR. [01:12:24] Does anybody know where that is? [01:12:26] Where the resilience became my companion early on. [01:12:30] We didn’t have much, not even running water, [01:12:32] and used an outhouse, [01:12:34] but I had my loving grandparents by my side. [01:12:37] At 12 years old, I moved to the States with my mom. [01:12:40] I only had a suitcase, [01:12:42] and didn’t know any English. [01:12:44] Determined to give back to this country, [01:12:46] I joined the military and became a mental health specialist. [01:12:49] I loved it, until tragedy struck. [01:12:53] I was five minutes away from our apartment [01:12:55] when I get the call that my boyfriend shot himself. [01:12:58] It hurt so much. [01:13:00] It knocked me down, but I found a way to get back up again. [01:13:05] I deployed to Afghanistan. [01:13:07] It was a challenging deployment. [01:13:09] There were a lot of casualties, and my heart ached [01:13:12] for everyone who trusted me with their struggles. [01:13:15] I met my fiance at an Irish bar. [01:13:17] He grabbed me to dance, [01:13:18] and we danced for the next six years, [01:13:21] until April 17th, 2019. [01:13:24] I got a call that he was in a serious accident [01:13:28] during military free fall training. [01:13:31] I knew right away that he had died. [01:13:35] Nick was a green beret, [01:13:37] and he died doing what he loved. [01:13:39] I lost the person I loved. [01:13:41] I lost the future we had planned for, [01:13:43] but I still managed to get back up. [01:13:47] I deployed again, and three months into the deployment, [01:13:50] all of a sudden I felt this numbness move up [01:13:53] from my feet to my ribs. [01:13:55] I just knew I was becoming paralyzed. [01:13:58] The aid station finally took me seriously [01:14:00] and sent me for an MRI. [01:14:03] A neurologist there said it could be two things, [01:14:05] a tumor on your spine or something sexy. [01:14:09] I’m like, give me the sexy thing. [01:14:11] I said. [01:14:12] It was multiple sclerosis. [01:14:16] Within hours, I was on a medevac flight to Germany, [01:14:19] then Walter Reed Hospital with a confirmed diagnosis of MS. [01:14:23] I now had lesions on my spine and my brain. [01:14:26] I had lost my body and my mind I once had, [01:14:30] but I still found a way to get back up. [01:14:33] After 13 years in the military, [01:14:35] I was deemed non-deployable [01:14:37] and medically retired because of MS, [01:14:39] but I can still help people, [01:14:40] I told them. [01:14:42] It didn’t matter. [01:14:43] I lost my career. [01:14:44] I lost my purpose. [01:14:47] Seems like there’s a pattern of me getting phone calls [01:14:49] with all the bad news. [01:14:50] But once again, I got a call from my mom [01:14:54] that my grandpa had died in Ukraine. [01:14:56] It tore me apart and it knocked me down. [01:15:00] Months later, the war in Ukraine kicked off [01:15:03] and two weeks later, my grandma died. [01:15:06] I thought the universe was playing a very sick joke on me. [01:15:09] I tried to stay strong. [01:15:10] And take care of my two dogs, [01:15:13] but not even their love was enough. [01:15:16] I felt alone, lonely, and had no more hope. [01:15:20] Every single day, I wished I was dead. [01:15:23] I could not get back up. [01:15:26] I didn’t want my girls to go to the pound, [01:15:28] so on 12 December, I posted a picture of them that read, [01:15:32] please take care of my girls. [01:15:34] The barrel of my handgun was feeling warmer and warmer [01:15:38] when I heard the voices of my dog walking friends. [01:15:40] And my neighbor at the door. [01:15:43] I was not alone. [01:15:44] And I promised them I’d get help. [01:15:47] Six days later, I was dreading to be awake. [01:15:50] But something pushed me to look at my ring camera recording [01:15:54] from the night before. [01:15:55] As I scrolled through the video, [01:15:57] I saw a beautiful red fox come to the back door. [01:16:01] I’ve never seen a fox in my neighborhood, [01:16:03] so I thought this was insane. [01:16:06] The fox walked around and took a drink [01:16:08] out of the dog’s water bowl. [01:16:10] I just thought that that was the coolest thing. [01:16:12] Until that fox turns around and takes a massive piss [01:16:16] right into the dog’s bowl. [01:16:18] And that’s when I realized, [01:16:20] I have let my life become a bowl full of fox piss. [01:16:25] I had lost the person I once was, and I wanted her back. [01:16:30] I decided to ask for help, for real this time. [01:16:33] And I called a veteran nonprofit. [01:16:35] I was connected to an amazing therapist [01:16:37] who knew how to deal with complex grief. [01:16:40] Six months later, I started working on my resume. [01:16:43] And when I saw a job posting for that same nonprofit, [01:16:46] I applied and I got it. [01:16:48] For over a year now, I’m back to helping others. [01:16:51] I found an even bigger purpose outside the military. [01:16:55] The girl who grew up using an outhouse [01:16:57] is now walking, working blocks away from the White House. [01:17:01] In May, I flew to Nepal to meet up [01:17:03] with a group of others living with MS [01:17:05] to hike 85 miles to Everest Base Camp, because fuck MS. [01:17:10] I went from hitting my lowest point [01:17:18] to now standing next to the tallest mountain. [01:17:21] And I’m standing here today. [01:17:24] With all the losses I went through, [01:17:25] I have come to realize that we’re bound to experience [01:17:28] two powerful forces in life, grief and love. [01:17:33] While grief may cast shadows upon our days, [01:17:36] it is a reflection of depth for our capacity to love. [01:17:40] Grief in its rawest form signifies [01:17:42] the price we pay for love, the ache in our hearts [01:17:46] when we bid farewell, the weight that [01:17:48] settles within us when life takes unexpected turns. [01:17:52] Yet grief is also a tribute to the love we shared, [01:17:56] the memories we cherish, and the immense impact [01:17:59] of those we hold dear. [01:18:01] Love, conversely, serves as a guiding light [01:18:04] through the darkest moments. [01:18:06] It emanates warmth when we embrace our loved ones. [01:18:09] It grants us strength, purpose, and hope. [01:18:13] Let us not fear grief, for it is a testament [01:18:16] to the profound connections that bind us. [01:18:18] Instead, let us honor it, allowing it to remind us [01:18:22] of the precious gift of love within our hearts. [01:18:25] And let us always hold onto the truth that in the end, [01:18:28] love will always prevail. [01:18:31] And if you’re struggling today, [01:18:33] just know your fox will find you. [01:18:40] Hey! [01:18:44] Good shit.