Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGmNfDfUT5M Starts at: 01:03:07 (jump to 01:03:07)
Brown Paper Dog — Spoken Word on Neurodivergence & Identity
[01:03:07] it we know we know bro you know hey one more time give it up for yourselves for being here [01:03:13] tonight yeah yes yes yes yes yes yes yeah this is dope please again give it up for [01:03:21] dana denise again yes [01:03:27] she she actually carried one of our very first speak your truth events at the metropolitan [01:03:32] kitchen and we could never forget her so she’s here thank you yeah because this is the year [01:03:39] number eight bro year number eight she keeps coming back who’s been here all eight years [01:03:43] who came all eight years we know you tyler you put it together of course she was here [01:03:47] fred you got to put your hand down don’t don’t do that who came at least five times [01:03:51] at least five times okay okay okay her four four four times all right okay three times [01:03:58] we got a lot of newbies three three you know what there she go if this is your first time [01:04:04] raise your hand damn hey give it up for yourselves yeah that’s what’s up where are [01:04:13] we advertising i don’t know but it’s working that’s what’s up okay that’s what’s up sorry [01:04:19] let’s go [01:04:21] we have i knew i knew she was next i knew she was like you got this one i got this okay [01:04:25] can you do can you do that thing that you do at what’s dope you want me to slow clap [01:04:29] right right okay okay start okay you pick somebody and who knows how to do a slow clap [01:04:35] you don’t brother since you’re shaking your head you’re gonna start it i’m gonna teach [01:04:38] you how i’m gonna teach you how so this is what you do you just start clapping slow right [01:04:44] like a little bit faster and then as you gradually get faster everybody gonna start clapping [01:04:48] with you then you’re gonna get loud and then i’m gonna bring up the artist you’re gonna [01:04:51] be in the middle of your house all right all right bet bet you trying to start it let’s [01:04:54] do it let’s get it [01:04:56] hey coming to the stage next i want y’all to give it up for brown paper dog give it [01:05:04] up for y’all [01:05:07] hi everybody [01:05:17] i am brown paper dog [01:05:19] hi everybody [01:05:20] i am brown paper dog [01:05:21] okay you can find me on IG at brown paper doll poetry or at rep is poetry [01:05:26] 410 okay so I’m a poet if you haven’t figured that out from all the other [01:05:31] information I gave you and I come out I used to come out a lot to the open mic [01:05:35] here the what’s dope open mic that happens every first Tuesday so I tend to [01:05:40] do a lot speaking on neurodivergence and I found myself I had ADHD and this is [01:05:46] something I discovered through my children you know a big age I’m I’m 37 [01:05:52] years young currently but that was that’s been a journey in trying to kind [01:05:58] of figure out who I am after several years you know lifetime of masking so I [01:06:04] found myself thinking about that episode of Spongebob where it’s fun Rob is my [01:06:10] thing so where he thought he was ugly but his breath sank [01:06:15] right [01:06:16] right [01:06:16] , and I and it’s because the world is a mirror and the way the world treats you [01:06:23] is the way that you see yourself so even after being divorced something I speak [01:06:28] on a lot that I think people think is kind of fishing for something is how [01:06:34] uncomfortable I am with the level of attention that I get you know what I [01:06:38] mean as a woman and that’s because it feels [01:06:43] like an accusation when you’re constantly so hyper aware [01:06:46] of how that impacts making the other women around you feel inadequate per se [01:06:51] you know what I mean or being made to feel that way in the reverse so this was [01:06:56] a piece that I wrote and I’m I feel like this isn’t light a while back for [01:07:03] Women’s History Month okay [01:07:05] I was followed so they called me a leader I was prey I was hunted I was [01:07:16] became a mind reader add to that the shape-shifting you’ve got yourself a people group [01:07:23] you got a girl whose every action could potentially deceive her [01:07:27] turn grown woman fighting like hell in efforts to retrieve her self after a life of trying to be [01:07:33] anyone else in her head still beating herself with her mother’s belt for any human imperfection [01:07:40] any criticism any need for correction turning inward and outward seeking connection [01:07:45] she became deeply terrified of rejection because for a child love means protection and the absence [01:07:51] of that equals death and so she turned to rage as a means of deflection and still ultimately [01:07:58] neglected her unheard thinking so much I can’t hear my own words I was seeking to blur [01:08:06] set to do not disturb and they keep asking me where it hurts everywhere nowhere it’s not like [01:08:15] anybody thinks [01:08:15] fucking cares I’ve poured my open heart out to too many blank stares there’s something [01:08:20] raw about me something so rare I’m starting to think I don’t belong anywhere they say [01:08:26] you can never go home again why the fuck would I want to get back there I was terrified of [01:08:32] my mother’s rage of the unpredictable stage when she’d say things to me that would stick [01:08:37] to me for days I think that’s when I learned to lock myself in this cage and I’m still [01:08:43] trying to get out but they want to know what I’m all about I’ll tell you what I tell my [01:08:48] daughters pretty mean sharks in the water and they will blame you if they smell blood [01:08:53] they will attack and if you react they’ll say you think too much accuse you of an inability [01:08:58] to trust you will ask for love and they will give you lust call you a diamond and discard [01:09:03] you like dust you’re the one that’s got to know you’re enough it’s the only way to call [01:09:08] their bluff and even if you give a fuck you can never let them know they’ve touched your [01:09:11] insecurities [01:09:13] you keep heart guarded not on sleeve you make them earn every ounce of your royal energy [01:09:18] you be better than me you be better than me I give you permission to tell the story of [01:09:29] how my hurting hurt more than me and I think my mother would agree we’re all just trying [01:09:33] to figure out who we’re supposed to be nobody really knows what any of it means just get [01:09:38] free whatever it takes get free thank y’all [01:09:43] that was light you can find me on IG at brown paper doll poetry thank you so much and we [01:09:50] have these shirts for sale if you guys are interested [01:09:51] hey you gotta come back [01:09:58] good shit