Aaron Yieldhall, known by the alias ‘Scribe,’ shares a candid personal story about using music and songwriting as a coping mechanism for severe social anxiety since adolescence, and reflects on a period of deep personal struggle during which an unexpected outpouring of community support revealed how many people cared for him. The segment closes with remarks from the host affirming the courage it takes to speak publicly about mental health.
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Transcript
[03:14:03] So we are rearing to the end of the night,
[03:14:06] and we have Aaron.
[03:14:10] It’s actually your go.
[03:14:12] I had Artie Fox.
[03:14:14] I had Artie Fox, come on.
[03:14:15] Aaron Yieldhall.
[03:14:17] Yeah!
[03:14:19] I said that right?
[03:14:21] Ha ha!
[03:14:22] Ha ha!
[03:14:24] So this code name, Scribe, right?
[03:14:30] Yeah.
[03:14:31] It’s because nobody ever gets my last name right.
[03:14:37] I’ve heard everything.
[03:14:38] I’ve heard Yardball, Yeedle, Yodel.
[03:14:43] I got a package to Mr. Weedy.
[03:14:45] …
[03:14:46] That’s not even close!
[03:14:48] …
[03:14:49] And Scribe is, you know when, in high school,
[03:14:53] which is a very scary time,
[03:14:56] I think a lot of us forget that,
[03:14:58] and, thank you Carly, for reminding us.
[03:15:01] …
[03:15:04] …
[03:15:06] It’s, in high school, you know, my friends,
[03:15:09] my circle of friends that I hung out with,
[03:15:10] where it was, graffiti was cool, and hip hop.
[03:15:12] …
[03:15:13] hip-hop and hard rock was just like we would blast music and pass around black
[03:15:22] books of course I didn’t do with any you know I didn’t actually do graffiti
[03:15:27] that’s illegal you know I never did any of that stuff I’ve been been staring at
[03:15:35] this all night I’m digging it but that was like a bonding thing with my circle
[03:15:41] of friends is pass around these black books and you like tag your friends book
[03:15:44] and I would always write scribe because uh you know before the technology of
[03:15:50] like recording things you actually have to have a person that would kind of like
[03:15:55] sit there and write things down otherwise wouldn’t you know it was just
[03:16:00] you know passed along and the telephone game can happen and so like these
[03:16:05] scribes would kind of record things that were deemed important and scribes
[03:16:11] means to write and so that was my writing name and then I don’t know what
[03:16:18] how it carried over into my music name but I guess I was still writing when I
[03:16:22] was making music too so I’ve had a lot of life happen to me in the past five
[03:16:32] years and it’s I didn’t really know what I was gonna really talk about
[03:16:41] tonight and I’m I’ve been hiding behind a guitar since I was 16 not hiding
[03:16:49] behind a guitar it did I couldn’t stand up and do this when I was 16 I sat in a
[03:16:56] corner and drew or played my guitar and I was deathly afraid of talking
[03:17:00] to anybody and when I started like meditating with a guitar like writing
[03:17:08] music that’s what allowed me to be a
[03:17:11] doctor and I decided that I’m gonna have to stop writing about black music now like when I started like meditating with guitar like writing music that’s what allowed me to be a
[03:17:11] able to okay now I can I have a reason I can something to do with my hands like
[03:17:17] you see I’m holding a cup now it’s just something to do with my hands it’s the
[03:17:21] guitar I guess was kind of a crutch at first but really now I’m I’m still
[03:17:26] playing music and writing songs and it’s a part of me and it’s if I’m having a
[03:17:31] hard time I need my guitar to unlock that part of my brain that says this
[03:17:38] information can come out in a healthy way that’s not violence or anger or
[03:17:46] destructive thoughts I mean you can’t leave stuff in your head I think
[03:17:49] everybody in this room knows that you can’t let that stuff fester around in
[03:17:53] your head and that’s the whole purpose of this event is a reminder that hey
[03:17:58] it’s okay get to get up and talk and I mean you’re gonna find especially here
[03:18:04] it might be harder or just out in you know a random
[03:18:08] location what that’s not kind of designed for this but I mean it’s
[03:18:14] amazing like I have so many negative things to say about social media all the
[03:18:18] time and I think it’s a horrible thing that’s being misused and misinterpreted
[03:18:22] and it’s not reality and there’s lines are blurred with all that but I was
[03:18:28] going through a really hard time and I just posted something like hey I’m going
[03:18:36] through a hard time
[03:18:52] it’s okay to cry I just want to talk instead of crying you know I’m not
[03:18:58] afraid of crying it’s just like I didn’t want to be able to get the words out I
[03:19:00] don’t want to like I’ve had hundreds I’ve had hundreds of people
[03:19:06] reach out to me like over a hundred people text me call me and stop me in
[03:19:15] public just to ask not what’s wrong not give me the scoop but just to say hey
[03:19:24] you’re cool man and I love you people that I don’t know very well and nobody
[03:19:30] even fucking knows what’s going on and I completely had my blinders on. I have no
[03:19:35] on I was so involved in this voice in my head that I let take the microphone for
[03:19:43] a little bit that I forgot about I didn’t know I was not aware of all these
[03:19:48] people that actually give a shit about me when I can’t even give a shit about
[03:19:51] myself and you know I was standing over there looking at my tickets about a
[03:20:01] couple raffle tickets and I put my coffee down I was standing over there by
[03:20:06] where all the prizes were I was kind of looking at the beef jerky that looks
[03:20:09] good I want that Oh salt lick block all right yeah that looks maybe maybe I do
[03:20:15] want to take I just moved right I just moved oh and the winters helped me move
[03:20:21] thank you guys appreciate you moving can be very stressful for me and you know
[03:20:26] when we moved I was like why do I have all this shit I don’t want any more
[03:20:30] shit
[03:20:31] so I was like no I don’t even want to win the raffle I don’t even want to know
[03:20:35] what’s over there because I don’t need more shit but then I’m like beef jerky a
[03:20:38] hundred dollars worth of beef jerky I want that so I’m sitting over there
[03:20:52] looking at my tickets and I’m like man I actually kind of do want to like win
[03:20:58] something so I’m like you know you’re calling out the numbers and I’m like
[03:21:01] no oh no not even close well Anita’s winning again okay this is clearly rigged
[03:21:11] and and I’m not winning anything and you down to the last one we’re at the last
[03:21:19] I’m like I think I might be getting up soon to talk and I’m starting to get a
[03:21:22] little anxious about that and I said like I realized I had set my coffee
[03:21:26] down amongst a sea of cups over there and I look at one of the cups and it’s
[03:21:31] got tickets in it and I’m like I never even put my other half of the tickets in
[03:21:36] any of these drawings there’s no way I can possibly win but I’m sitting there
[03:21:40] going like beef jerky but I feel like now that I I thank you for listening to
[03:21:56] me and I really appreciate all of the everyone who’s everyone who’s watching
[03:22:01] organized this safe space and everybody who supported it and everybody who got
[03:22:07] up on stage today because that’s that’s brave and it’s awesome it’s inspiring to
[03:22:16] see and you know I met Tyler because I organized a mental health benefit concert
[03:22:25] back in January and we became close friends and we’ve talked about very deep
[03:22:30] things right and we talked about how we fight about how we fight about how we
[03:22:31] off the bat and he invited me out to this and it was one of those things
[03:22:37] where I saw it at a stoplight and then I the light turned green and I was like
[03:22:42] never gonna remember what app that conversation was on you know and I
[03:22:48] forgot to sign up I didn’t realize there was a little form but I was like I
[03:22:51] hundred percent want to do this I think it’s an amazing cause and when I you
[03:22:59] reminded me you nudged me which I think is awesome like thank you for doing that
[03:23:03] it’s like no hard feelings I thank you sir yeah I’ve I do that all the time and
[03:23:08] I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings but I just you know I see a squirrel you
[03:23:11] know a butterfly oh my god like what yeah what’s going on and then all the
[03:23:17] spots were filled up except for the last one and I was like shit now I just get
[03:23:21] this stew in my anxiety and like but anyways thank you so much
[03:23:29] so not putting business out but I would just like to say we appreciate you for
[03:23:42] being here it takes a lot for people to one you know get on stage for one to open
[03:23:48] up their phones pay a ticket fee to get here and get on stage and speak their
[03:23:55] truths you never know what anyone is going through
[03:23:59] I know you guys hear that a lot but you just can’t tell and this event has the
[03:24:07] ability to take people from very harmful situations hurtful situations and give
[03:24:14] them a space where they can just be and so again we want to thank scribe for
[03:24:23] getting up here speaking truth and again everybody round of applause
[03:24:29] for scribe