Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aw8NW7bQXJg Starts at: 01:46:06 (jump to 01:46:06)
Sarah Kitlowski – Story of Recovery and Hope
[01:46:06] Also, real quick. [01:46:07] Go ahead. [01:46:08] I forgot also one more thing. [01:46:10] One more thing. [01:46:12] We gotta give it up for this being the seventh year that we did this, bruh. [01:46:15] Seven. [01:46:16] Seven years. Give it up for seven years of this, y’all. [01:46:19] That’s dope. [01:46:21] And you guys are just finding out about it. I just, I don’t know. [01:46:26] I mean, we’ve been around. We’ve been around for seven years. [01:46:29] And the hope is that we keep going. [01:46:31] And maybe next year we can get a better or bigger, rather, venue. [01:46:36] No disrespect. [01:46:37] Thank you, Art Farm, for supporting us. [01:46:39] Art Farm. [01:46:41] Okay. [01:46:42] So, for the sake of time, the next speaker. [01:46:46] I got this one memorized. [01:46:48] Wow. He practiced, too. [01:46:49] Yes, I did. [01:46:50] Don’t think this is off the cuff. [01:46:52] I did practice one. [01:46:53] I want y’all to give it up for Sarah Kitlowski. [01:46:57] Give it up for y’all. [01:47:04] Good evening. [01:47:05] I’m going to utilize this. [01:47:11] Yeah? [01:47:12] Yes? [01:47:13] Good? [01:47:14] Yeah? [01:47:15] All right. [01:47:16] I very much appreciate the last speaker. [01:47:17] We can’t see you because of the lights. [01:47:18] But, yeah, addiction, like you said, is pretty common, right? [01:47:23] And that’s actually what I’m going to talk about, too. [01:47:26] There are a lot of people here who know me from Glass House. [01:47:29] But I don’t often talk about what my early life in recovery looked like. [01:47:33] So I’m going to tell the story. [01:47:34] So I’m going to tell the story of how somebody else’s property damage and a recycling bin saved my life. [01:47:40] So, November 30, 2010, I’m in Florida. [01:47:47] Why am I in Florida? [01:47:48] Because I’m from Baltimore and developed a Baltimore-style heroin addiction. [01:47:53] Not very pretty. [01:47:56] Didn’t go well, as most heroin addictions go. [01:48:01] And by the time I knew I needed to leave, the only family members that would remotely let me in their house were in Florida. [01:48:10] There were distant friends who thought, oh, my God, Sarah moved to Florida. [01:48:16] No, I fled to Florida. [01:48:17] That was literally the only place I had to go. [01:48:20] I got down there so broken, so diagnosed or misdiagnosed with mental health issues, so confused, out of my mind. [01:48:28] I had no idea what to do. [01:48:30] And each day, I also thought that detox and mental health were for celebrities because, I don’t know, I came from a world where that’s just what it was. [01:48:39] So I didn’t know to seek help, which is part of the reason why now I own a mental health facility is to do what I can to try to bump into a younger version of myself. [01:48:50] So, November 30, 2010, I’m staying at my aunt and uncle’s house. [01:48:54] They’re not sure what to do with me. [01:48:56] The deal is if I steal anything, they’re kicking me out. [01:48:58] So I was trying not to steal. [01:49:00] Kind of clean, mostly clean. [01:49:02] No idea what to do. [01:49:04] My aunt is a property manager for a large real estate company. [01:49:09] They kind of knew I was in recovery, kind of knew I was going to meetings, weren’t really sure what I was doing because I didn’t know what I was doing. [01:49:16] I wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t eating, trying not to vomit, kind of just shuffling around. [01:49:21] She walks into the room she let me stay in and says, Sarah, we got this letter. [01:49:28] One of my property managers got this letter. [01:49:29] And I’m not sure what to make of it, but I think it will make sense to you. [01:49:34] And I kept a copy of it for almost 13 years. [01:49:40] To whom it may concern, R.E., Pembroke Mall property, Virginia Beach, Virginia, Jones Lang LaSalle. [01:49:49] In 1970, I damaged the outside of Pembroke Mall. [01:49:54] I realize that this is a bit delayed. [01:49:57] This letter is from 2010. [01:49:59] Although I’d like to repay my debt. [01:50:02] This property was managed by Jones Lang LaSalle either during or approximately during this period. [01:50:08] Please accept my apology and payment to cover the cost of the repair. [01:50:13] I would appreciate any effort on your part in forwarding the money order to the appropriate department. [01:50:19] Nevertheless, if this is not possible, please forward to the department that you feel would be appropriate. [01:50:24] Thanks again. [01:50:25] A friend in recovery. [01:50:27] Smiley face. [01:50:29] So, I have effectively estranged all of my family members. [01:50:37] Lost my business. [01:50:40] I owe the IRS $60,000. [01:50:42] There were whole parts of Baltimore I couldn’t show my face in because of the amount of money I owed. [01:50:46] I had a crippling, now ex, but right on the edge heroin addiction. [01:50:51] I had no idea what to do with my life. [01:50:53] And then this letter arrives to my aunt, who has no idea about recovery. [01:50:57] And what stuck out for me in this letter was, thanks, a friend in recovery smiley face. [01:51:03] From somebody making it right from 1970. [01:51:06] 40 years later, they were making it right. [01:51:10] This was the glimmer of hope that when I looked at the dumpster fire of my life, I was like, oh, I don’t have to know what to do today. [01:51:21] Or tomorrow. [01:51:22] Or in 10 years. [01:51:24] I can spend the next 40 years. [01:51:26] Going back to every small thing that I’m carrying around with me. [01:51:31] Like a burden I can’t breathe under. [01:51:33] And, like, as the phrase goes, easy does it. [01:51:36] Like, slowly but surely. [01:51:38] What did I do with this? [01:51:40] Not immediately start paying off debt, so it was broke and still out of my mind. [01:51:45] My reaction was to… [01:51:50] The end. [01:51:54] Was to start doing art. [01:51:56] Because that’s all I could do. [01:51:58] I started doing collages. [01:51:59] I started painting. [01:52:00] I started writing. [01:52:01] Because I didn’t know what else to do. [01:52:03] I didn’t know how to say I was all right. [01:52:05] Somebody else just shared. [01:52:06] I got into a recovery community. [01:52:08] And I still am. [01:52:10] And slowly but surely, in my 13 years, I’ve now written letters like this. [01:52:17] The person who read this wasn’t intending for it to reach somebody like me. [01:52:21] Who just needed to know that, like, it’s possible. [01:52:24] So, I like that the theme of this year, as it’s on the back of the shirt, is, you know, you’re not alone. [01:52:29] Because the idea is, like, when we recover from mental health issues, addiction in public, somebody else gets the letter. [01:52:36] They get the hope on the other side. [01:52:38] Thank you.