Joy Sherelle Brown, the final speaker of the evening, shares her personal journey living with schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type) — from a first psychotic episode at 18 and two hospitalizations, to channeling her experiences into filmmaking, culminating in her short film ‘NOS’ premiering at the Real Recovery Film Festival and now streaming on Amazon Prime, with a new feature film in development about borderline personality disorder.
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Transcript
[03:13:07] Yes
[03:13:07] Yes, mom, jeez
[03:13:08] Hey, give it up for they family, bruh
[03:13:11] That’s dope, yeah
[03:13:12] Never had anyone read a whole book on stage here
[03:13:16] Well, that’s a first for everything
[03:13:18] First for everything
[03:13:19] Yes, so coming up next
[03:13:20] To the stage
[03:13:21] We have Joy
[03:13:23] Hey, give it up for Joy, y’all
[03:13:26] Come on
[03:13:27] Hey
[03:13:28] Last speaker of the night
[03:13:30] We made it, y’all
[03:13:31] You deserve a stage, man
[03:13:37] Hi, everyone
[03:13:39] I am Joy Sherelle Brown
[03:13:41] And I’m gonna tell you
[03:13:43] The very shortest version of my story
[03:13:45] I live with schizoaffective disorder
[03:13:48] Bipolar type
[03:13:49] I have had a lot of pain
[03:13:50] And I’ve had it since I was 18 years old
[03:13:53] But I was not diagnosed until I was 24
[03:13:56] I went to the movies to see the movie The Artist
[03:14:01] And in The Artist, the man who made the movie
[03:14:04] That is considered to be the best worst movie ever
[03:14:07] Said that the movie that made him
[03:14:10] That wanna make movies was Home Alone
[03:14:12] And I remember that the audience laughed at that
[03:14:14] And I’m like, hold up, hold up, hold up
[03:14:16] That’s the movie that changed my life
[03:14:18] I went to see Home Alone when I was 10 years old
[03:14:20] And I’d never experienced anything like it up to that point
[03:14:24] The theater was packed
[03:14:26] The movie had been out for months
[03:14:29] And it was still packing theaters
[03:14:31] And everybody just had an amazing time watching that movie
[03:14:35] So after I saw Home Alone
[03:14:37] I told my parents, I was like, hey
[03:14:39] I wanna become an actress
[03:14:40] Can you get me an agent?
[03:14:42] And they were like, no
[03:14:43] So I was like, okay
[03:14:46] They won’t get me an agent
[03:14:47] So how do I become an actress?
[03:14:48] So I was like, okay
[03:14:49] I just have to start writing
[03:14:50] My own screenplays
[03:14:51] I will direct my own screenplays
[03:14:54] I will produce it
[03:14:54] And I will sell it to 20th Century Fox
[03:14:57] Who was the distributor that distributed Home Alone
[03:15:00] So I started writing screenplays
[03:15:02] And I had very big plans for my life
[03:15:06] And I would write a screenplay or two every year
[03:15:09] From the time I was 10 years old
[03:15:11] To the time I was 18
[03:15:12] So I’m in high school
[03:15:15] I’m in my senior year of high school
[03:15:17] And everybody’s like, what are you gonna do next?
[03:15:19] I’m like, I’m gonna sell a screenplay
[03:15:20] And I didn’t worry about going to college
[03:15:22] Or anything like that
[03:15:23] And I graduated from high school
[03:15:25] Six or seven months after I graduated from high school
[03:15:29] I started to have these thoughts
[03:15:34] I grew up with Jehovah’s Witness
[03:15:35] I don’t practice that religion any longer
[03:15:38] But I grew up with Jehovah’s Witness
[03:15:39] And I started to think that Armageddon had happened
[03:15:42] And we were living in paradise
[03:15:44] And I was like, totally convinced of this
[03:15:47] And I was like, look, I’m Eve
[03:15:49] I lost my mind
[03:15:50] I lost perfection for mankind
[03:15:52] But I’m Jesus and I got it back
[03:15:54] And I was dead serious
[03:15:56] That this is what I thought had happened
[03:15:58] So I got hospitalized for five days
[03:16:02] And the worst part about it
[03:16:05] Was that my parents had told everybody
[03:16:07] I was having psychosis in front of people
[03:16:09] I was calling people on the phone
[03:16:11] I was saying crazy things
[03:16:12] I was going to their houses
[03:16:14] My parents couldn’t control me
[03:16:16] They didn’t know what to do
[03:16:17] So they were like, we’re taking you to the hospital
[03:16:18] Then I got to the hospital
[03:16:20] And I didn’t know what was happening
[03:16:21] So I was screaming in the lobby
[03:16:25] And they came in and sedated me
[03:16:27] And I woke up in the mental ward
[03:16:30] But I was still out of my mind
[03:16:33] So I thought that I was in the hospital
[03:16:35] So that I would forget the old world
[03:16:37] Which is kind of like what Jehovah’s Witnesses believe
[03:16:40] That at some point Armageddon will happen
[03:16:42] Paradise will come
[03:16:43] And you’ll forget the old world
[03:16:44] So that’s what I thought
[03:16:45] I was in the hospital
[03:16:46] So that the old world would leave my memory
[03:16:50] So I was in the hospital
[03:16:50] And the worst part about it
[03:16:52] Is that everybody I knew
[03:16:53] Came to visit me in the hospital
[03:16:54] So everybody I knew
[03:16:56] Who was like tons of people
[03:16:58] Saw me going through psychosis
[03:17:02] So when I got out of the hospital
[03:17:04] I had to go to inpatient therapy
[03:17:05] And they were like, you know
[03:17:07] You can’t get stressed out
[03:17:09] And I’m like, what the heck was stressing me out
[03:17:11] I was just living my life
[03:17:13] What was stressing me out
[03:17:14] And it was just pissing me off
[03:17:16] Because they would be like, don’t get stressed out
[03:17:19] And I’m like, up to that point
[03:17:20] Nothing ever stressed me out
[03:17:21] If it was given to me to do
[03:17:23] Then I knew I could accomplish it
[03:17:25] I never had these feelings of like
[03:17:26] I can’t do something
[03:17:27] So they were like, oh, okay
[03:17:30] You’re supposed to start college in two weeks
[03:17:31] Don’t go to college
[03:17:32] Like, you need to take a break
[03:17:34] Or whatever, blah, blah, blah
[03:17:35] So I told myself, you know
[03:17:38] I’m in the car with my dad
[03:17:39] And I’m asking him, like, look
[03:17:40] Am I ever going to be normal
[03:17:41] Because I got like super depressed
[03:17:43] I had already gone through depression
[03:17:45] Growing up
[03:17:46] And I didn’t understand
[03:17:47] Why I was always so unhappy
[03:17:49] And I was like, well, I’m not going to be normal
[03:17:50] Because everybody will always tell me
[03:17:51] That the religion that we practice
[03:17:52] Was supposed to make you happy
[03:17:53] And I’m like, I’m not happy
[03:17:54] I’m miserable
[03:17:55] So I asked my dad
[03:17:58] I’m like, you know
[03:17:58] Am I ever going to be normal
[03:17:59] Am I ever going to be okay
[03:18:00] And his answer was silence
[03:18:02] And I asked my psychiatrist
[03:18:04] I’m like, am I going to have to take medication
[03:18:05] For the rest of my life
[03:18:06] And her answer was silence
[03:18:08] So I told myself
[03:18:09] If I ever, ever understand this disease
[03:18:13] If I ever figure out
[03:18:14] If I’m going to be okay
[03:18:15] Then I’m going to make a movie about it
[03:18:17] And I, when I first got
[03:18:20] Hospitalized for psychosis
[03:18:22] I didn’t write for like two years
[03:18:24] What made me start writing again
[03:18:26] Was the weirdest thing
[03:18:28] I was watching
[03:18:29] Making the band
[03:18:30] The first season
[03:18:31] And Old Town
[03:18:33] Was like in a creative session
[03:18:35] Writing songs
[03:18:36] And I was like
[03:18:37] Oh man, I remember that
[03:18:39] I remember being creative
[03:18:40] And I sat down and wrote like eight songs
[03:18:42] I never wrote songs again in my life
[03:18:44] But I sat down and wrote eight songs
[03:18:46] And it segued back into me
[03:18:48] Writing screenplays
[03:18:49] I eventually did go to college
[03:18:51] But I was going to college
[03:18:53] To become a paralegal
[03:18:54] Why, I don’t know
[03:18:55] I took one class
[03:18:56] And I was just like
[03:18:57] If I have to work that hard
[03:18:58] To be a paralegal
[03:18:59] Then I’m going to work hard
[03:19:01] To do what I want to do
[03:19:02] And I switched my program over
[03:19:04] To general studies
[03:19:05] And transferred to Howard University
[03:19:06] Where I majored in film
[03:19:09] And, oh, my time is up
[03:19:11] Okay, so I wrote a short script
[03:19:15] In film school
[03:19:16] That was ten minutes long
[03:19:18] It was called
[03:19:19] Take Your Medicine
[03:19:21] And I was like
[03:19:23] I can’t produce this
[03:19:24] Because I can’t find a location
[03:19:25] That’s a hospital
[03:19:26] It was based on my first hospitalization
[03:19:29] For schizoaffective disorder
[03:19:30] Bipolar type
[03:19:31] But at that point
[03:19:32] I was like 23
[03:19:33] And I had only been hospitalized once
[03:19:35] So I was like
[03:19:37] I can’t make this movie right now
[03:19:38] And then like
[03:19:39] I graduated from college
[03:19:40] And on the day
[03:19:41] I was supposed to fly out to L.A.
[03:19:43] I was hospitalized again
[03:19:45] For the second psychotic episode
[03:19:46] And I was like
[03:19:49] This can’t be happening
[03:19:51] I had been six years without an episode
[03:19:54] And now I was having a psychotic episode
[03:19:56] The day I was supposed to fly to L.A.
[03:19:58] To start my life
[03:19:59] And my mom was like
[03:20:01] You shouldn’t move 3,000 miles away from us
[03:20:03] You should probably stay home
[03:20:04] And again
[03:20:05] I got thrown into depression
[03:20:07] At some point I realized
[03:20:10] That what had stressed me out so much
[03:20:13] Was being unhappy
[03:20:15] And being in a religion
[03:20:16] That didn’t speak to me
[03:20:18] And I didn’t feel like I could do it
[03:20:19] I didn’t feel like I had a choice
[03:20:20] I didn’t feel like
[03:20:21] That leaving was an option
[03:20:24] I felt like there was no life
[03:20:26] Outside of being one of Jehovah’s Witnesses
[03:20:28] But it had made me miserable
[03:20:29] And it made me depressed
[03:20:29] And what I feel eventually caused psychosis
[03:20:33] And it took me a while
[03:20:36] To kind of realize that
[03:20:37] And when I realized that
[03:20:38] I had left the religion
[03:20:39] I had been out of the religion for two years
[03:20:42] I started my production company
[03:20:44] Called Third Person Omniscient Productions
[03:20:46] Which I had discovered the name for
[03:20:49] When I was in high school
[03:20:50] And I found the script in my home office
[03:20:53] And I was like
[03:20:54] I’m going to make this movie again
[03:20:56] And I added like 10 pages to it
[03:20:58] Because I felt like I had figured it out finally
[03:21:00] I figured out that
[03:21:02] What was stressing me out
[03:21:03] Was doing things that I didn’t want to do
[03:21:05] What was stressing me out
[03:21:06] Was not being true to myself
[03:21:08] And I turned it into a movie called NOS
[03:21:11] N period O period S period
[03:21:14] And it premiered at the
[03:21:17] Real Recovery Film Festival
[03:21:19] And Symposium in New York City
[03:21:21] In Los Angeles
[03:21:22] Which is a film festival
[03:21:23] That’s specifically for mental health
[03:21:25] And NOS can now be found on Amazon Prime
[03:21:29] And it was the first official project
[03:21:32] For my production company
[03:21:33] And now I am producing a feature film
[03:21:35] About borderline personality disorder
[03:21:38] And how this time it’s about the
[03:21:40] Not the person going through the mental illness
[03:21:43] But the family member
[03:21:44] Who has to deal with the person
[03:21:45] Who has the mental illness
[03:21:46] And I’m in
[03:21:49] Development on that right now
[03:21:51] It’s the first feature film
[03:21:52] For the production company
[03:21:53] And yeah it kind of felt like I figured it out
[03:21:58] So I made a movie about it
[03:22:00] Thank you, thank you, thank you