Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4RysJspGE4 Starts at: 03:13:07 (jump to 03:13:07)
Joy Sherelle Brown — Story of Schizoaffective Disorder and Filmmaking
[03:13:07] Yes [03:13:07] Yes, mom, jeez [03:13:08] Hey, give it up for they family, bruh [03:13:11] That’s dope, yeah [03:13:12] Never had anyone read a whole book on stage here [03:13:16] Well, that’s a first for everything [03:13:18] First for everything [03:13:19] Yes, so coming up next [03:13:20] To the stage [03:13:21] We have Joy [03:13:23] Hey, give it up for Joy, y’all [03:13:26] Come on [03:13:27] Hey [03:13:28] Last speaker of the night [03:13:30] We made it, y’all [03:13:31] You deserve a stage, man [03:13:37] Hi, everyone [03:13:39] I am Joy Sherelle Brown [03:13:41] And I’m gonna tell you [03:13:43] The very shortest version of my story [03:13:45] I live with schizoaffective disorder [03:13:48] Bipolar type [03:13:49] I have had a lot of pain [03:13:50] And I’ve had it since I was 18 years old [03:13:53] But I was not diagnosed until I was 24 [03:13:56] I went to the movies to see the movie The Artist [03:14:01] And in The Artist, the man who made the movie [03:14:04] That is considered to be the best worst movie ever [03:14:07] Said that the movie that made him [03:14:10] That wanna make movies was Home Alone [03:14:12] And I remember that the audience laughed at that [03:14:14] And I’m like, hold up, hold up, hold up [03:14:16] That’s the movie that changed my life [03:14:18] I went to see Home Alone when I was 10 years old [03:14:20] And I’d never experienced anything like it up to that point [03:14:24] The theater was packed [03:14:26] The movie had been out for months [03:14:29] And it was still packing theaters [03:14:31] And everybody just had an amazing time watching that movie [03:14:35] So after I saw Home Alone [03:14:37] I told my parents, I was like, hey [03:14:39] I wanna become an actress [03:14:40] Can you get me an agent? [03:14:42] And they were like, no [03:14:43] So I was like, okay [03:14:46] They won’t get me an agent [03:14:47] So how do I become an actress? [03:14:48] So I was like, okay [03:14:49] I just have to start writing [03:14:50] My own screenplays [03:14:51] I will direct my own screenplays [03:14:54] I will produce it [03:14:54] And I will sell it to 20th Century Fox [03:14:57] Who was the distributor that distributed Home Alone [03:15:00] So I started writing screenplays [03:15:02] And I had very big plans for my life [03:15:06] And I would write a screenplay or two every year [03:15:09] From the time I was 10 years old [03:15:11] To the time I was 18 [03:15:12] So I’m in high school [03:15:15] I’m in my senior year of high school [03:15:17] And everybody’s like, what are you gonna do next? [03:15:19] I’m like, I’m gonna sell a screenplay [03:15:20] And I didn’t worry about going to college [03:15:22] Or anything like that [03:15:23] And I graduated from high school [03:15:25] Six or seven months after I graduated from high school [03:15:29] I started to have these thoughts [03:15:34] I grew up with Jehovah’s Witness [03:15:35] I don’t practice that religion any longer [03:15:38] But I grew up with Jehovah’s Witness [03:15:39] And I started to think that Armageddon had happened [03:15:42] And we were living in paradise [03:15:44] And I was like, totally convinced of this [03:15:47] And I was like, look, I’m Eve [03:15:49] I lost my mind [03:15:50] I lost perfection for mankind [03:15:52] But I’m Jesus and I got it back [03:15:54] And I was dead serious [03:15:56] That this is what I thought had happened [03:15:58] So I got hospitalized for five days [03:16:02] And the worst part about it [03:16:05] Was that my parents had told everybody [03:16:07] I was having psychosis in front of people [03:16:09] I was calling people on the phone [03:16:11] I was saying crazy things [03:16:12] I was going to their houses [03:16:14] My parents couldn’t control me [03:16:16] They didn’t know what to do [03:16:17] So they were like, we’re taking you to the hospital [03:16:18] Then I got to the hospital [03:16:20] And I didn’t know what was happening [03:16:21] So I was screaming in the lobby [03:16:25] And they came in and sedated me [03:16:27] And I woke up in the mental ward [03:16:30] But I was still out of my mind [03:16:33] So I thought that I was in the hospital [03:16:35] So that I would forget the old world [03:16:37] Which is kind of like what Jehovah’s Witnesses believe [03:16:40] That at some point Armageddon will happen [03:16:42] Paradise will come [03:16:43] And you’ll forget the old world [03:16:44] So that’s what I thought [03:16:45] I was in the hospital [03:16:46] So that the old world would leave my memory [03:16:50] So I was in the hospital [03:16:50] And the worst part about it [03:16:52] Is that everybody I knew [03:16:53] Came to visit me in the hospital [03:16:54] So everybody I knew [03:16:56] Who was like tons of people [03:16:58] Saw me going through psychosis [03:17:02] So when I got out of the hospital [03:17:04] I had to go to inpatient therapy [03:17:05] And they were like, you know [03:17:07] You can’t get stressed out [03:17:09] And I’m like, what the heck was stressing me out [03:17:11] I was just living my life [03:17:13] What was stressing me out [03:17:14] And it was just pissing me off [03:17:16] Because they would be like, don’t get stressed out [03:17:19] And I’m like, up to that point [03:17:20] Nothing ever stressed me out [03:17:21] If it was given to me to do [03:17:23] Then I knew I could accomplish it [03:17:25] I never had these feelings of like [03:17:26] I can’t do something [03:17:27] So they were like, oh, okay [03:17:30] You’re supposed to start college in two weeks [03:17:31] Don’t go to college [03:17:32] Like, you need to take a break [03:17:34] Or whatever, blah, blah, blah [03:17:35] So I told myself, you know [03:17:38] I’m in the car with my dad [03:17:39] And I’m asking him, like, look [03:17:40] Am I ever going to be normal [03:17:41] Because I got like super depressed [03:17:43] I had already gone through depression [03:17:45] Growing up [03:17:46] And I didn’t understand [03:17:47] Why I was always so unhappy [03:17:49] And I was like, well, I’m not going to be normal [03:17:50] Because everybody will always tell me [03:17:51] That the religion that we practice [03:17:52] Was supposed to make you happy [03:17:53] And I’m like, I’m not happy [03:17:54] I’m miserable [03:17:55] So I asked my dad [03:17:58] I’m like, you know [03:17:58] Am I ever going to be normal [03:17:59] Am I ever going to be okay [03:18:00] And his answer was silence [03:18:02] And I asked my psychiatrist [03:18:04] I’m like, am I going to have to take medication [03:18:05] For the rest of my life [03:18:06] And her answer was silence [03:18:08] So I told myself [03:18:09] If I ever, ever understand this disease [03:18:13] If I ever figure out [03:18:14] If I’m going to be okay [03:18:15] Then I’m going to make a movie about it [03:18:17] And I, when I first got [03:18:20] Hospitalized for psychosis [03:18:22] I didn’t write for like two years [03:18:24] What made me start writing again [03:18:26] Was the weirdest thing [03:18:28] I was watching [03:18:29] Making the band [03:18:30] The first season [03:18:31] And Old Town [03:18:33] Was like in a creative session [03:18:35] Writing songs [03:18:36] And I was like [03:18:37] Oh man, I remember that [03:18:39] I remember being creative [03:18:40] And I sat down and wrote like eight songs [03:18:42] I never wrote songs again in my life [03:18:44] But I sat down and wrote eight songs [03:18:46] And it segued back into me [03:18:48] Writing screenplays [03:18:49] I eventually did go to college [03:18:51] But I was going to college [03:18:53] To become a paralegal [03:18:54] Why, I don’t know [03:18:55] I took one class [03:18:56] And I was just like [03:18:57] If I have to work that hard [03:18:58] To be a paralegal [03:18:59] Then I’m going to work hard [03:19:01] To do what I want to do [03:19:02] And I switched my program over [03:19:04] To general studies [03:19:05] And transferred to Howard University [03:19:06] Where I majored in film [03:19:09] And, oh, my time is up [03:19:11] Okay, so I wrote a short script [03:19:15] In film school [03:19:16] That was ten minutes long [03:19:18] It was called [03:19:19] Take Your Medicine [03:19:21] And I was like [03:19:23] I can’t produce this [03:19:24] Because I can’t find a location [03:19:25] That’s a hospital [03:19:26] It was based on my first hospitalization [03:19:29] For schizoaffective disorder [03:19:30] Bipolar type [03:19:31] But at that point [03:19:32] I was like 23 [03:19:33] And I had only been hospitalized once [03:19:35] So I was like [03:19:37] I can’t make this movie right now [03:19:38] And then like [03:19:39] I graduated from college [03:19:40] And on the day [03:19:41] I was supposed to fly out to L.A. [03:19:43] I was hospitalized again [03:19:45] For the second psychotic episode [03:19:46] And I was like [03:19:49] This can’t be happening [03:19:51] I had been six years without an episode [03:19:54] And now I was having a psychotic episode [03:19:56] The day I was supposed to fly to L.A. [03:19:58] To start my life [03:19:59] And my mom was like [03:20:01] You shouldn’t move 3,000 miles away from us [03:20:03] You should probably stay home [03:20:04] And again [03:20:05] I got thrown into depression [03:20:07] At some point I realized [03:20:10] That what had stressed me out so much [03:20:13] Was being unhappy [03:20:15] And being in a religion [03:20:16] That didn’t speak to me [03:20:18] And I didn’t feel like I could do it [03:20:19] I didn’t feel like I had a choice [03:20:20] I didn’t feel like [03:20:21] That leaving was an option [03:20:24] I felt like there was no life [03:20:26] Outside of being one of Jehovah’s Witnesses [03:20:28] But it had made me miserable [03:20:29] And it made me depressed [03:20:29] And what I feel eventually caused psychosis [03:20:33] And it took me a while [03:20:36] To kind of realize that [03:20:37] And when I realized that [03:20:38] I had left the religion [03:20:39] I had been out of the religion for two years [03:20:42] I started my production company [03:20:44] Called Third Person Omniscient Productions [03:20:46] Which I had discovered the name for [03:20:49] When I was in high school [03:20:50] And I found the script in my home office [03:20:53] And I was like [03:20:54] I’m going to make this movie again [03:20:56] And I added like 10 pages to it [03:20:58] Because I felt like I had figured it out finally [03:21:00] I figured out that [03:21:02] What was stressing me out [03:21:03] Was doing things that I didn’t want to do [03:21:05] What was stressing me out [03:21:06] Was not being true to myself [03:21:08] And I turned it into a movie called NOS [03:21:11] N period O period S period [03:21:14] And it premiered at the [03:21:17] Real Recovery Film Festival [03:21:19] And Symposium in New York City [03:21:21] In Los Angeles [03:21:22] Which is a film festival [03:21:23] That’s specifically for mental health [03:21:25] And NOS can now be found on Amazon Prime [03:21:29] And it was the first official project [03:21:32] For my production company [03:21:33] And now I am producing a feature film [03:21:35] About borderline personality disorder [03:21:38] And how this time it’s about the [03:21:40] Not the person going through the mental illness [03:21:43] But the family member [03:21:44] Who has to deal with the person [03:21:45] Who has the mental illness [03:21:46] And I’m in [03:21:49] Development on that right now [03:21:51] It’s the first feature film [03:21:52] For the production company [03:21:53] And yeah it kind of felt like I figured it out [03:21:58] So I made a movie about it [03:22:00] Thank you, thank you, thank you