Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4RysJspGE4 Starts at: 01:39:53 (jump to 01:39:53)
Janice Hijerica — Spoken Word on Grief and Release
[01:39:53] Hey, give it up for her one more time, yo. Give it up for her. [01:39:56] Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Alright. Yes, I know who that is, but she’s probably gonna get mad at me [01:40:05] because I don’t know how to pronounce her last name, so that’s a problem. I’m gonna lose points. [01:40:10] As long as you got the first name. [01:40:12] Coming to the stage. [01:40:14] A friend of mine, Janice. [01:40:24] Thank you. [01:40:27] His girlfriend is watching and she’s my best friend, so there’s that. [01:40:33] My last name is Hijerica, in case you guys are wondering. Sorry, I’m trying to… [01:40:37] There we go. [01:40:39] I kind of wrote three pieces. They’re within the timeframe. [01:40:43] Don’t worry. [01:40:44] Sorry, I’m a rule follower, but I’m reminding him to set the timer. [01:40:49] The first two are about navigating pain and grief. [01:40:54] Something I think we can all pretty much identify with. [01:40:57] And the last one is just about kind of releasing that. [01:41:00] So, sorry to bring the mood down. [01:41:02] Glad we had some comedy before. [01:41:05] Alright. [01:41:08] I’ve been in pain so long. [01:41:11] It’s woven into my skin. [01:41:13] In order to survive, I needed a part of me. [01:41:17] Plastered it to my DNA. [01:41:19] On my commute to work, the air is quiet. [01:41:23] My soul mimics the stillness. [01:41:26] Time bows towards me. [01:41:28] Grieving seizes the rarity of this moment. [01:41:32] Compared to last year, grief is different. [01:41:35] I’m now in control of when the tears fall. [01:41:38] I drive through a green light and focus on the sound of my car’s engine. [01:41:42] The tears flow, but this time, it’s like a river. [01:41:47] No longer the hurricane from before. [01:41:50] Sadness dances to the beat of my heart. [01:41:53] They are now in sync. [01:41:55] Grief reminds me that I am its home. [01:41:58] I don’t dismiss it. [01:42:00] I’m no longer angry that it’s here. [01:42:03] I wearily accept this new skin. [01:42:06] I give way. [01:42:08] Peacefully. [01:42:09] Willingly. [01:42:11] I whisper to my heart, it won’t always be this way. [01:42:15] My hopeful little prayer that keeps me going. [01:42:18] I park my car and I walk into the hospital. [01:42:21] My pain slowly folds back into my heart. [01:42:24] I bury it there. [01:42:26] It goes gently. [01:42:28] Pain no longer fights me. [01:42:30] I take a deep breath. [01:42:31] I enter the door. [01:42:33] I smile and I laugh boisterously with people. [01:42:36] Pain blends into peace. [01:42:38] I can’t feel where the pain begins [01:42:40] or where it ends until my community home. [01:42:53] I live in a house of grief. [01:42:56] But I laugh today. [01:42:58] The sound echoed against the walls, but they stood firm. [01:43:02] I don’t expect them to quiver. [01:43:04] Not anymore. [01:43:06] Instead, I adapt. [01:43:08] I bend and curl my body into the present. [01:43:11] Forcing my existence into the sound of my joy. [01:43:15] Although fleeting, it keeps me alive. [01:43:18] I try and savor the moment. [01:43:21] The moments. [01:43:23] The way his skin feels against mine. [01:43:27] Hearing my mom say a simple hello. [01:43:30] My dad’s ten-year-old joke. [01:43:33] The way the air smells in October at 6 a.m. [01:43:37] Making eye contact with my brother’s dog. [01:43:41] Walking across the stage in heels. [01:43:44] The safety felt when I hugged my best friends. [01:43:48] The mundane. [01:43:49] The extraordinary. [01:43:51] Seconds spill into transformative minutes. [01:43:55] They all keep me alive. [01:43:58] Thank you. [01:44:00] So those first two were written like at a time in my life where I was processing a lot of loss and grief and heaviness and just working my way through that. [01:44:15] And then kind of out of all of that like really, really hard year came this next poem called Release. [01:44:24] We plant too often with expectation. [01:44:28] You all labored. [01:44:29] I did too. [01:44:31] But the seeds owe us nothing. [01:44:34] We burden them with impatience. [01:44:37] Demand a timely harvest from the soil. [01:44:40] But the seeds belong to themselves. [01:44:43] Flowers do not always bloom. [01:44:46] Sometimes roots die. [01:44:49] But friend, your effort is not in vain. [01:44:52] Your work does not go unfulfilled. [01:44:55] Your investment gets returned. [01:44:58] In unexpected hope. [01:45:00] In cultivated patience. [01:45:03] In restored humility. [01:45:05] In gentleness, a new language on your tongue. [01:45:09] In these gifts we need to live. [01:45:12] Thank you very much.