Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4RysJspGE4 Starts at: 01:03:57 (jump to 01:03:57)
Gray Smith — Rap Performance and Glass House Recovery Presentation
[01:03:57] . [01:03:58] Thank you. [01:03:59] Thank you. [01:04:00] Thank you. [01:04:01] Thank you. [01:04:02] Thank you. [01:04:03] Thank you. [01:04:04] Thank you. [01:04:05] Thank you. [01:04:06] Thank you. [01:04:07] Thank you. [01:04:08] Thank you. [01:04:09] Thank you. [01:04:10] Thank you. [01:04:11] Thank you. [01:04:12] Thank you. [01:04:13] Thank you. [01:04:14] Thank you. [01:04:15] Thank you. [01:04:16] Thank you. [01:04:17] Thank you. [01:04:18] Thank you. [01:04:19] Thank you. [01:04:20] Thank you. [01:04:21] Thank you. [01:04:22] Thank you. [01:04:23] Thank you. [01:04:24] Thank you. [01:04:25] Thank you. [01:04:26] Thank you. [01:04:27] there was one thing where Carter said he wanted to tattoo his whole body and he was going through [01:04:31] the list of colors i was like ah hey hey oh all right Carter all right my man [01:04:47] y’all ready for y’all next artist well speaker [01:04:51] all right this worked out very well okay coming to the stage coming to the stage is a man that i [01:05:02] have had a i guess a collegiate relationship with we went to community college together we were in [01:05:11] the human services program this man uh went to went to berkeley for a brief second uh one of the [01:05:21] smartest one of the most hilarious people that i know right and then his voice is better than mine [01:05:28] i’m just saying it’s like butter butter but he’s also a celebrity gray smith coming to the stage [01:05:38] right now [01:05:46] the brief second he was talking about berkeley was when i got accepted and got a scholarship and then [01:05:51] figured out [01:05:51] i couldn’t afford to live in boston so that was my uh it’s my preset no it worked out with the [01:05:56] heroin up there was way too good for me uh yeah Carter i’ll never forget what i just experienced [01:06:05] sitting in there listening to you share that was incredibly moving thank you for that [01:06:17] i remember being young and headstrong and asking questions [01:06:21] that i thought i knew the answer to they damaged you i guess i guess wrong like every shitty bag of [01:06:26] dope i ever shot was stepped on i’ll disappear before my peak like jay electron when i was [01:06:32] sleeping on the train or sleeping in a box in the tunnel under the parkway trying to stay out of the [01:06:38] rain i used to get dizzy spells and hear a little ring and the voice of a demon sounding like me and [01:06:44] calling my name like how the did i get here again parted on my gear again january 1st like [01:06:51] this is gonna be my year again yeah the right man who are you kidding and they told [01:06:57] your dumb ass to turn around but you wouldn’t listen and lately i’ve been on the road just [01:07:03] trying to get a job and keep my daughter in some clothes single father life that’s just the way it [01:07:08] goes but the artist always calls me and it haunts me like a ghost yeah it’s kind of crazy to write [01:07:13] and late in the diaper changing trying to keep a steady hand when your whole life is shaking [01:07:18] school at home and school in philly on the weekend [01:07:21] i choke up on the road man i’ve been swimming in the deep end like i don’t lose sleep at night like [01:07:25] i’m not losing my grip like i don’t struggle with self-doubt like my music is or like i didn’t [01:07:30] fight through the fear for years to get this record done i did this myself i’ve never [01:07:35] needed anyone just don’t let me die it never was jesus please just keep your hands on me [01:07:41] everything i ran from is catching up i lost my way home you laid low and let me run now [01:07:47] help me leave some kind of mark before it’s said and done don’t let me [01:07:51] find salvation at the end of a gun and don’t make me meet the man that i was meant to become [01:07:57] i said enough these are some notes about the things i wanted you to know [01:08:01] and i will sing myself home just play this at my funeral i remember the frozen steps and the cold [01:08:09] stairs and the methadone and my breath in the cold air and being dope sick in the cell holding [01:08:14] my head up with both hands and the frail ones afraid but they played it off acting brave to [01:08:21] get stuck in their head like their favorite song the eulogy walking dead forgetting what they used [01:08:25] to be dying to live a life on the other side of a losing streak and the layoffs the cold shoulder [01:08:31] the rosary the weak ones and another 10 year old got a sentence but couldn’t read one my dad left [01:08:36] to be an astronaut and he got lost somewhere in outer space he vanished without a trace he just [01:08:41] couldn’t stick around to watch me grow up he bought him a gun and blew his thoughts in the sun [01:08:51] but everything was all good just a week ago it’s unbelievable how people come and people go to [01:08:57] chase their dreams and they stop breathing from a lethal dose and they dispose the needles and just [01:09:02] leave you in the freezing cold betrayal i had to learn to live with the i’ll pull the [01:09:07] knife on my back and just cut my wrist with the now should i carve you out my heart for [01:09:12] all that that you did or should i just close up the scarving and forgive and forget but [01:09:16] what’s the difference in love and drugs pain [01:09:21] i’m not giving up on us until it’s done because what the commitment if the minute it gets tough [01:09:29] you run you told me to stop wishing the clock’s ticking you’re not missing your shotty you’re not [01:09:34] quitting it’s god-given you’re not giving up if is tough then i will walk with you [01:09:39] and i’ll be sleeping on the floor in the studio till the song’s finished i can’t live in this [01:09:44] world forgive me i forgot to pray and oh my lord they should have killed me when i lost my faith [01:09:51] shame for when i just wanted to walk away is on my face i wonder what god will say when he calls my [01:09:56] name i felt good [01:10:08] man oh man the energy in here feels great uh my superhero name is gray smith gray with the knee [01:10:15] uh my mom named me steve and um so that that’s who i am [01:10:21] but i am uh i’m a therapist which is cool and i’m also the ceo which i don’t know if i’ll ever [01:10:30] get used to saying that but i’m the ceo of a treatment facility for artists and musicians [01:10:36] we opened up in january of this year so we’re super brand new and um you know the quick version [01:10:45] of that before i pass the mic is you know i was uh i was working for the federal justice [01:10:51] system doing those those guys anti-recidivism work so they’ve been in a box for 30 years [01:10:56] then they come to me and i i pulled phones out of my pocket and explained that [01:11:01] we carry them around with us now you know and stuff like that but what i would see was like [01:11:05] guys re-offend on purpose because they couldn’t get a grip on what it was like to live out here [01:11:10] right and then that was really cool uh until i realized that thing that they cautioned us [01:11:15] about in school which is if you don’t fill your own cup then you can’t feel anyone else’s and i [01:11:21] went to the law school and they said oh no you can’t do it i said well you don’t have to do it [01:11:26] it’s just a normal thing and i was like oh my god okay so i got a record deal and i came out [01:11:30] loyally and uh then i randomly got a record deal like right in the same thing so i was like [01:11:37] all right therapy it’s been nice and then i i hit the road and uh this blew up beyond [01:11:42] anything i really anticipated they put my face up in times square uh i started i went on the road [01:11:47] wu-tang uh then i then i played at the kennedy center they wouldn’t even let me know i remember [01:11:47] trying to pee at the kennedy center at one time they wouldn’t even let me the front door the main [01:11:48] stage to main stage that place was was an absolutely epic place uh a lot of people were [01:11:49] going to go to the front door and the main thing was like oh you know what was that like yeah [01:11:50] was an epic accomplishment, and then I booked the biggest tour of my fledgling career as an artist. [01:11:59] Thirty-one dates, half of them here, half of them over the pond, which is dear to me, [01:12:06] because I love going over there to perform, right, because there’s castles everywhere, [01:12:09] and it’s just, I don’t know, but the first date was this festival called South by Southwest, [01:12:16] and I got an email in the end of February of 2020, and it was, they were like, [01:12:24] hey, man, just a heads up, it’s probably nothing, but there’s this weird flu going around, [01:12:30] and we’re going to have to keep an eye on that stuff. [01:12:38] I watched in less than 14 days as my entire tour got wiped off the map, everything I had worked for, [01:12:44] and that crushed me. [01:12:46] Because I worked so hard to get my first record. [01:12:50] I made 100,000 feet away from here in a 600-month office space. [01:12:56] I lived there with my kid, and this was like three and a half years ago. [01:13:00] This is a distant past. [01:13:02] I lived right off of West Street, and I thought about that when I was coming here. [01:13:06] The whole tour got canceled, and I was devastated, and then I watched all of my colleagues in the music industry [01:13:14] start to relapse on Super Hardcore. [01:13:16] They started to do all these drugs and complete suicide, and do all those things. [01:13:20] So there was this seed that was planted, which was, what if, because I wasn’t making any fucking money, [01:13:28] I couldn’t go on. [01:13:30] A million plays on Spotify, just in case any of you have ambitions of blowing up and getting paid from Spotify, [01:13:34] a million plays on Spotify, $3,100 or somewhere around there in revenue. [01:13:40] So that’s not living life money. [01:13:42] So without a tour, I couldn’t do it. [01:13:44] So I said, what if there was a facility? [01:13:46] I said, that’s what I want, to treat people like me. [01:13:50] And man oh man, we did it. [01:13:56] It’s amazing. [01:13:58] I’m happy to share more about that with you one on one. [01:14:02] But the place is called Glass House. [01:14:06] Like don’t throw stones. [01:14:08] It’s a tongue in cheek way of saying that we get it. [01:14:10] And we are a fully licensed, in the state of Maryland, [01:14:14] joint commission accredited treatment facility and we offer PHP, IOP, OP, individual and whatever else you need [01:14:24] just short of having this fill out a certificate of need for inpatient residents facility. [01:14:28] We won’t get on that, but did we okay? Would I ask with that? Yeah, sure. [01:14:34] So that’s it out of me. Now, I want to thank you guys for the energy. [01:14:39] I meant what I said. That was so, so incredible. Thank you for sharing that. [01:14:44] I’ve never heard anyone describe my perception of a higher power so accurately. [01:14:48] That’s exactly how I feel about what God is. I stopped needing to know what God’s name was a long time ago. [01:14:54] But, yeah, the person that’s coming up here next is the person that helped me get Glasshouse off the ground. [01:15:02] She is my right hand or my left hand, depending on who’s driving that day. [01:15:06] And, yeah, I’ll let them bring her up. [01:15:09] Thank you so much. [01:15:15] I didn’t want to… I know you guys take your role seriously. [01:15:19] You got an H in your diagnosis. I know you wanted to introduce people. [01:15:24] So, yeah, who I’m bringing up right now is my partner, Sarah. [01:15:35] She had no idea she was going up there until two seconds ago. [01:15:38] Yeah? [01:15:39] You don’t want me to rap at all, so I won’t. [01:15:42] So, yeah, I guess I’ll introduce Glasshouse. [01:15:45] So, you know, as an adult, we have the normal level of chaos in our brain of, like, bills and stress and job and work and life balance and, you know, all that kind of stuff. [01:15:57] And then you throw substance use disorder into the mix, and then there’s a whole other level of stress, whether it’s that or addiction, something else. [01:16:06] So then you’ve got a second conversation. [01:16:08] And I… [01:16:09] And what Steve and I and our team found is then throw, like, creativity, hyperintelligence, independent thinking, problem solving into it. [01:16:18] And now you’ve got, like, yet a third level of conversation. [01:16:23] So when we created our facility, it was really to address that. [01:16:26] And so what that might look like as an artist or creator is, hey, I am just trying to get clean and sober, but my whole career is playing in bars. [01:16:36] My whole career is staying up all night. [01:16:39] I’m just trying to get this painting out of my system. [01:16:41] It looks like I’ve got to get out on the road and write and write and write. [01:16:45] But, like, how do you balance that with people saying, be responsible or get a full-time job or stay out of places with alcohol, but also that’s how I make my money, or stay out of places that have you ride a manic wave to get an entire exhibition up in time, but also that’s how you feel alive. [01:17:07] Right. [01:17:08] And so we… [01:17:09] We look at our curriculum and our facility and all of our therapeutic approaches by trying to speak somebody’s native language. [01:17:17] And sometimes that native language is color. [01:17:19] Sometimes that native language is music. [01:17:21] Sometimes it’s writing. [01:17:23] Sometimes it is meeting people where they’re at on an energy and a diagnosis. [01:17:28] And it’s really not about treating somebody who is getting newly stabilized, newly clean, newly sober, and pushing them into a hospital-like facility. [01:17:39] But it’s about creating an environment, an approach, and a schedule that really meets who they are. [01:17:46] The idea is we’re not the facility for everybody, but for a certain group of people. [01:17:50] And honestly, this is a treatment facility that I wish existed when I got clean a long time ago, when all I knew is that the only thing that made sense was me, like, going through a recycling bin and collaging pieces of Coca-Cola boxes, because art still made sense. [01:18:07] Nothing else did. [01:18:08] Work scared me. [01:18:09] Normal people scared me. [01:18:10] My family scared me. [01:18:11] Recovery scared me. [01:18:12] All of that. [01:18:13] But, like, art still somehow in there made sense. [01:18:16] That was one part left untarnished, unmarred by my addiction. [01:18:21] And so we’ve created a house that’s safe for those people. [01:18:24] We’ve created… [01:18:25] We’re starting to create halfway housing that’s safe for those people. [01:18:28] And so that’s Glass House. [01:18:31] We couldn’t be more proud to be here, to be part of the mental health community, to be part of the conversation about, like, what stigma means. [01:18:39] What somebody in recovery looks like. [01:18:41] What this diagnosis looks like. [01:18:42] What this condition looks like. [01:18:44] What we’re capable of. [01:18:46] And what it looks like to support an artistic community that has all of these different diagnoses within it. [01:18:52] So, I will do nothing artistic up here other than smile at you. [01:18:58] You guys look great. [01:19:00] This is super cool. [01:19:01] I’m happy to be here. [01:19:02] And thanks for giving me a chance to talk about Glass House. [01:19:09] Wow. [01:19:16] Incredible, right? [01:19:17] Round of applause again. [01:19:19] Again. [01:19:21] Okay. [01:19:26] GlassHouseRecovery.com. [01:19:28] That’s the CEO of me. [01:19:29] I forgot to plug the website. [01:19:32] You had way too much time, sir. [01:19:35] Hey, give it up for him one more time, y’all. [01:19:37] Give it up for him. [01:19:38] Yes, yes, yes. [01:19:39] Here’s your sheet, Michael.