Malcolm McFadden, the event’s MC, steps out of his usual host role to share a deeply personal account of his 2020 pandemic struggles — including contracting COVID-19, a torn Achilles, the death of his grandmother, and job loss — which together triggered an unfamiliar and overwhelming depressive episode. He closes with a direct message of encouragement, especially to Black men, urging the audience to lean on loved ones, speak their truth, and reject the stigma of emotional vulnerability.
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Transcript
[03:51:47] Thank you to these guys once again.
[03:51:52] Hey, give it up for them one more time, y’all.
[03:51:53] Give it up for them.
[03:51:56] Thank you.
[03:51:58] So, David, I know that was the last person.
[03:52:02] But…
[03:52:03] You see where my eyes are going right now?
[03:52:06] I just have a truth to speak, actually.
[03:52:08] All right.
[03:52:09] This is your year.
[03:52:10] Normally, I don’t have a truth to speak.
[03:52:12] That is correct.
[03:52:13] And I actually got something this year.
[03:52:14] All right.
[03:52:15] Want me to leave the stage for you?
[03:52:16] Yes, you can leave the stage.
[03:52:18] I’ll moonwalk off for you.
[03:52:20] I’m going to take these fucking tissues because I’m a bitch and I’m probably going to cry.
[03:52:23] Hey.
[03:52:24] So…
[03:52:25] Hey.
[03:52:26] Don’t self-deprecate.
[03:52:27] All right.
[03:52:28] So, normally, I do these events because a friend of mine…
[03:52:32] A friend of mine committed suicide, so I do these for him.
[03:52:43] And I don’t normally feel depression and shit, but I’m normally like a happy-go-lucky
[03:52:55] person, but this past year fucked me up.
[03:53:00] Like…
[03:53:01] I caught COVID.
[03:53:02] Survived.
[03:53:03] That shit didn’t kill me because that shit was weak.
[03:53:08] I tore my Achilles, the first injury I ever had, and it sucked ass.
[03:53:15] I couldn’t do shit.
[03:53:16] I had to sit in the house.
[03:53:19] My grandma died.
[03:53:20] RIP to my grandma.
[03:53:22] Love you.
[03:53:23] I lost my job, and I didn’t know…
[03:53:28] Like, if…
[03:53:29] I’m sorry.
[03:53:30] Like, if I was going to be able to pay rent.
[03:53:37] I feel like I wasted my time with a lot of shit in life that I wouldn’t have had this
[03:53:42] problem if I had not wasted my time, but during the whole time, I didn’t really talk
[03:53:52] to nobody.
[03:53:53] I didn’t even talk to my girl.
[03:53:57] I…
[03:53:58] I used to, like, sit in my studio, play the music loud as shit, and just cry.
[03:54:04] Days.
[03:54:05] Like, days.
[03:54:06] I did this.
[03:54:07] And…
[03:54:08] I don’t normally feel that shit.
[03:54:09] Like, that shit was new as fuck.
[03:54:10] Like…
[03:54:11] It was new.
[03:54:12] Normally, I…
[03:54:13] You know, I cry, or some dumb shit happens.
[03:54:14] I look myself in the mirror and say, mom, stop being a bitch, and then get back to
[03:54:15] normal.
[03:54:16] But I couldn’t do that.
[03:54:17] Well, I did, but it didn’t work.
[03:54:18] And so…
[03:54:19] God.
[03:54:20] God.
[03:54:21] God.
[03:54:22] God.
[03:54:23] God.
[03:54:24] God.
[03:54:25] God.
[03:54:26] God.
[03:54:27] God.
[03:54:28] God.
[03:54:29] God.
[03:54:30] God.
[03:54:31] God.
[03:54:32] God.
[03:54:33] God.
[03:54:34] God.
[03:54:35] God.
[03:54:36] God.
[03:54:37] God.
[03:54:38] God.
[03:54:39] God.
[03:54:40] God.
[03:54:41] God.
[03:54:42] God.
[03:54:43] God.
[03:54:44] God.
[03:54:45] God.
[03:54:46] God.
[03:54:47] God.
[03:54:48] God.
[03:54:49] God.
[03:54:50] God.
[03:54:51] God.
[03:54:52] God.
[03:54:53] God.
[03:54:54] God.
[03:54:55] God.
[03:54:56] God.
[03:54:57] anybody there’s there is people thank you thank you but there’s probably people that was going
[03:55:11] through the same shit i was and then like one thing that sucks is people telling you like there’s
[03:55:16] people going everybody going through it and at the same time like fuck those people like i’m
[03:55:20] feeling it myself right now not fuck those people because they had their problems but
[03:55:24] it was hard to like see an end to the tunnel like i felt like i was in this dark ass tunnel
[03:55:31] with no fucking light you know i just didn’t know how but
[03:55:37] luckily i have like dope ass family members i got a good ass mom
[03:55:45] i got a bomb ass girl
[03:55:52] who supports me
[03:55:54] she’s a good ass girl
[03:55:54] she’s a good ass girl
[03:55:54] she’s in the back
[03:55:55] and
[03:55:58] and then you know 2020 was hard as shit but in 2021 came around my mom told me keep praying
[03:56:06] look to god it’s not something i normally do because i’m like that nigga got a lot to deal
[03:56:11] with so there’s no point me asking for little shit but i prayed uh talked to my mom talked to
[03:56:19] my sister and luckily my job came back in 2020
[03:56:24] i’m 21 so i’m back to working
[03:56:26] back to you know i can pay rent which is really good i’m not gonna be on the streets and shit
[03:56:34] so i wanted to say this for like anybody who’s like me who doesn’t normally deal with depression
[03:56:42] who doesn’t typically go through this type of shit it when that shit hit though like it can hurt
[03:56:50] and it’s gonna rock you it’s gonna rock you like a motherfucker but
[03:56:54] one thing somebody told me uh one or not somebody told me jay-z said this he said biggie told him this
[03:57:02] it’s like nobody’s built like you you design yourself and then so i kept thinking that yo like
[03:57:11] god made you able to go through this dumb shit you know he put you through this dumb shit because
[03:57:16] you know you good for it so i kept saying nobody’s like me i design myself so i can get through this
[03:57:23] shit and if i can get through this shit i’m gonna be able to go through this shit i’m gonna be able to go through this shit
[03:57:24] and it’s like yo that shit was hard like that shit was hard i didn’t know what to do and i got through it
[03:57:33] so if you are like me and don’t deal with depression and shit like that lean on your friends
[03:57:39] lean on your faith if you have faith uh lean on you know just the people around you and don’t try
[03:57:48] to keep it to yourself and one great thing about these events that i kind of wish we had when kevin
[03:57:54] was alive that you can talk to people hey so we are fortunate enough to have
[03:58:11] this event where we can talk to each other so definitely speak your truth
[03:58:15] don’t hold that shit in it’s tough it’s very tough it’s very tough especially to
[03:58:21] the black men in the room we told not to cry we told we gotta be strong we got a
[03:58:26] whole world that fucks with us and pandemic wasn’t no better we had to sit
[03:58:30] at home watch dumb shit on the news every day but for black men they tell us
[03:58:35] you know we got to be strong and sometimes being strong is talking to
[03:58:41] somebody is that is strong in itself thank you everybody came up here today
[03:58:49] even my poke ass
[03:58:51] and I’m up here crying is strong for coming up here you feel me so that’s my
[03:58:57] truth and please don’t hug me you already hug me but that’s my truth thank
[03:59:05] y’all for listening to my what hugs are this is what we doing this is what we doing
[03:59:09] Tyler you come over here
[03:59:16] thank you y’all