Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbAZeaI8iH8 Starts at: 03:25:14 (jump to 03:25:14)
Nia - Bipolar 2 Hospitalization and Recovery Story
[03:25:14] hi [03:25:18] i have no idea what i’m gonna say but everyone was awesome and that was really cool so uh i’m [03:25:25] nia [03:25:29] um mental health is very important to me [03:25:32] um i’m diagnosed bipolar 2 and adhd at one point i was misdiagnosed a major depressive disorder [03:25:44] uh because i’ve been depressed since i was i’ve had depressive thoughts and certain ideations [03:25:52] since my early teens most of my life i’m gonna be 30 this year so this is like most of my life and [03:26:00] i started um [03:26:01] talking to a therapist uh in my early 20s around 22 23. and that’s when i originally got that [03:26:09] diagnosis of major depressive disorder because i think that it’s liquid seven eight nine ten years [03:26:16] of just these thoughts and stuff and not talking to anybody really about it and it’s just there [03:26:22] like you don’t know why it’s wild your brain likes to play tricks on you it’s it’s wild like one moment everything’s wild and i’m like it’s wild it’s wild like one moment everything’s so wild and yeah it’s wild it’s wild you don’t know why it’s wild your brain likes to play tricks on you [03:26:30] like one moment everything will be so great [03:26:32] and then you start second guessing shit like, [03:26:35] these people even like me? [03:26:38] I don’t know why, but that always happens. [03:26:40] Or like, everything’s great and your brain [03:26:42] just says some fuck shit. [03:26:44] Like with the Dark Parrot poem, [03:26:47] that one like really hit me. [03:26:48] Like your brain just says some fuck shit for no reason. [03:26:52] Like, why? [03:26:57] It’s wild. [03:26:58] Let’s see, what else would be cool to say? [03:27:03] This is not planned at all. [03:27:04] I’m just, it’s gonna be stupid. [03:27:12] So, this will probably be important [03:27:16] since this is a mental health thing. [03:27:18] I’ve been hospitalized twice. [03:27:21] First time was in summer of 2017. [03:27:26] Life was, [03:27:27] it wasn’t feeling so great. [03:27:29] I mean, I had a job, all this other stuff, [03:27:32] but mental health was just, [03:27:32] it was the first time I worked at a restaurant [03:27:34] and everyone was an asshole there [03:27:36] and it was just fucking with me. [03:27:40] And my person at the time was an asshole, [03:27:44] but I just kept writing them off [03:27:46] and not realizing that they were not the person for me. [03:27:49] So, and it was just a lot of stuff with home as well. [03:27:52] Just a combination of things [03:27:54] along with the mental health thing. [03:27:55] And, yeah. [03:27:57] And I don’t remember exactly what happened. [03:28:00] I just know my mood dropped. [03:28:04] Really dropped. [03:28:06] Where I was just like, cut yourself. [03:28:10] And I think I posted something stupid on Facebook. [03:28:14] I don’t even know. [03:28:15] And then one of my friends hit me up [03:28:16] and was like in my messages. [03:28:18] And that really fucked me up [03:28:20] because I know they did it because they cared, [03:28:22] but the way I was and my thought was no one, [03:28:25] no one’s there for me. [03:28:27] Everyone’s lying. [03:28:28] Everyone’s, I don’t know, it was wild. [03:28:31] And then she has bipolar as well and like ADHD [03:28:35] and then was just kept hitting my phone up. [03:28:37] Like the notifications were not helping [03:28:40] with what was going on in here. [03:28:42] And so I just cut myself all up. [03:28:48] She called the cops. [03:28:51] It was like two or three in the morning [03:28:53] and they came to my door and my parents were freaking out. [03:28:56] Cause they knew none of this was happening. [03:28:59] All my mental struggles are always here. [03:29:02] No one notices. [03:29:03] It’s kind of funny. [03:29:05] But it’s life. [03:29:06] It is what it is. [03:29:08] And I just remember when the dude came to the door, [03:29:12] but he saw the scratches. [03:29:13] So I couldn’t do anything. [03:29:16] I had to go to the hospital. [03:29:17] My parents came downstairs and one was like, [03:29:20] why would you do this? [03:29:22] The police have better things to do. [03:29:24] Well, one of the cops was definitely, you know, [03:29:26] was definitely trained in mental health type shit. [03:29:29] And he even like talked to me like the whole time [03:29:33] to the hospital and everything. [03:29:34] It was kind of weird being in the back of the police car. [03:29:36] Like he didn’t buckle me up or anything [03:29:39] like you’re supposed to, but it’s so, [03:29:41] it’s such an enclosed space. [03:29:44] It’s unnerving. [03:29:47] And I was already like not good here. [03:29:50] So that was an experience, [03:29:53] but he talked me through it and everything. [03:29:54] And he was even like, don’t listen. [03:29:56] Listen to what that person said. [03:29:58] This is my job. [03:29:59] I’m trained for this. [03:30:02] I’m supposed to be here to make sure you’re okay. [03:30:06] And he stayed with me the whole time. [03:30:08] I ended up leaving the hospital that morning [03:30:11] because I had a therapist. [03:30:14] I was on my meds. [03:30:16] I was going home with my family. [03:30:18] Like everything was great. [03:30:20] Like they weren’t concerned. [03:30:22] They were, but they weren’t. [03:30:23] They put me in a, [03:30:26] a day hospital program. [03:30:28] So I was able to still go to work and stuff [03:30:30] in the evenings and weekends [03:30:32] and went to the program during the day. [03:30:34] And it was nice. [03:30:35] It was kind of funny. [03:30:36] I realized some things about myself. [03:30:39] I started ended up turning into like a kind of like [03:30:42] therapist type person or whatever [03:30:43] to the other patients there. [03:30:45] Forgetting that, hey, I’m the patient. [03:30:48] It’s wild. [03:30:50] There was art therapy. [03:30:51] That was fun. [03:30:52] I painted a lot of stuff. [03:30:53] I didn’t even know I could paint. [03:30:54] That was cool. [03:30:56] I went back to work. [03:30:58] No one noticed a thing. [03:30:59] I have pictures of my phone, like between the two, [03:31:04] for that week, let’s say. [03:31:05] And you just see the face I made, [03:31:08] the cuts all over my arms, all over my chest. [03:31:13] And then you see like pictures of me smiling [03:31:16] with Snapchat filters and just, yay, I’m at work. [03:31:20] I’m cute. [03:31:21] Yay. [03:31:22] And it’s like, it’s wild. [03:31:23] And then I was okay. [03:31:26] The next year, I ended up going to Shepherd Pratt though. [03:31:30] And that was a 12-day affair. [03:31:33] At that point, I had not seen my therapist for months. [03:31:37] They did not trust to like allow me to just go home. [03:31:43] The issue at that time was insurance. [03:31:45] I couldn’t pay for my therapist. [03:31:48] I didn’t have the money that they wanted me to give. [03:31:52] That was not a thing, so yay. [03:31:56] So that, along with still being with the person [03:32:02] that I shouldn’t have even been with, [03:32:04] and home stuff still going on, other stuff still going on, [03:32:08] and then I had a trigger. [03:32:09] I had an ex randomly hit me up on Instagram. [03:32:14] I don’t know how he found my new Instagram. [03:32:16] This is like years later, because he was back in 2014, [03:32:19] and this is now 2018, September 2018. [03:32:24] And… [03:32:26] Dude found me and said something, [03:32:28] and it fucked me up, [03:32:29] because it was an abusive relationship. [03:32:33] Like, something happened. [03:32:36] I came through the door. [03:32:38] Dude dragged me by my hair through the apartment [03:32:42] to the bedroom and choked me to the point [03:32:43] where I thought I was gonna die. [03:32:46] And so seeing a message from this dude [03:32:48] just fucked me up for obvious reasons, [03:32:50] but I’m at work. [03:32:51] And of course, I text my person, [03:32:53] because I’m like, yo, I need… [03:32:56] That’s not a cool situation to be in. [03:32:58] And they’re like, why would you allow him to text you? [03:33:00] You should just go back to that nigga. [03:33:02] And it’s like, what? [03:33:05] And so I suddenly remembered [03:33:08] I had a whole bunch of pills in my purse. [03:33:11] Went to the bathroom. [03:33:12] Took those. [03:33:15] I guess I sent something to someone, [03:33:17] because they called the police to my job. [03:33:20] And I rode in the ambulance for the first time. [03:33:23] That was great. [03:33:24] That was a great experience. [03:33:26] And sarcasm, of course. [03:33:29] It’s just wild, though, [03:33:32] because every now and then, [03:33:33] I think my mental health’s not that great. [03:33:35] And then I remember improvement, [03:33:38] in the sense that, remember, [03:33:40] I said the first time was in 2017, summer 2017. [03:33:44] Then it was September of 2018. [03:33:47] But look, it’s 2021, and I have not been back in my house. [03:33:56] It’s been almost three years, [03:34:02] and I’m not in the hospital, [03:34:03] and I don’t have any self-harm bruises or anything. [03:34:14] I survived the pandemic. [03:34:19] And I have some awesome friends [03:34:21] that don’t push me aside or make me feel like, [03:34:26] I don’t know how to say this. [03:34:28] I have some awesome people in my life now, you know what I mean? [03:34:31] I don’t know. [03:34:37] It’s a beautiful feeling when you look back on it, [03:34:40] and see, sometimes when you’re in the moment, [03:34:42] you don’t see your growth. [03:34:43] But when you step back and you look at, [03:34:47] it’s beautiful. [03:34:49] It just really is. [03:34:53] I don’t know what else to say. [03:34:55] But my name’s Nia. [03:34:56] And thank you for having me.