Dr. Ashley Elliott introduces herself as both a clinician and a person living with anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, and chronic illness, before performing an expressive dance to ‘Something Has to Break’ — a song whose lyrics confront the exhaustion of performing wellness, the weight of societal expectations, and the ongoing struggle to survive while still growing.
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Transcript
[03:01:03] give it up for you
[03:01:05] come on coach
[03:01:07] hi everybody
[03:01:25] did you hear my loud ass
[03:01:28] talk around there
[03:01:29] of course
[03:01:31] she’s with me
[03:01:32] have kids we’ll travel
[03:01:33] I am Dr. Ashley Ellie
[03:01:36] also known as Dr. Vivit
[03:01:38] if you ask my mom I’m just Ashley
[03:01:39] but I am a clinician
[03:01:42] but I also am a person
[03:01:44] who’s real
[03:01:45] and I have a diagnosis
[03:01:48] of anxiety disorder
[03:01:49] and major depressive disorder
[03:01:50] and I also do a chronic illness
[03:01:53] so every time I call him Dr. Calgary
[03:01:56] because he’s my supervisor
[03:01:58] and I call him Dr. Calgary
[03:01:58] and I call him Dr. Calgary
[03:01:58] shout out to him
[03:01:59] but I can say Tyler
[03:02:01] because I’m a doctor too
[03:02:02] so every time that
[03:02:06] Tyler asks me to come out
[03:02:08] I come out not as a clinician
[03:02:10] but as a person who understands
[03:02:11] what it means to struggle
[03:02:12] and what it means to fight
[03:02:14] and what it means to survive
[03:02:16] and I picked this particular song
[03:02:17] because I dance a little bit
[03:02:18] oh the errands coming off
[03:02:22] the errands coming off
[03:02:26] I’m a black woman
[03:02:30] I’m going to take my earrings
[03:02:31] out of my shoes off when I dance
[03:02:32] I picked this particular song
[03:02:36] for the message
[03:02:37] because it’s okay not to be okay
[03:02:39] it’s okay when you try
[03:02:41] just to feel like
[03:02:42] that’s all I got for y’all
[03:02:44] I can really try
[03:02:45] so can you see me let me go
[03:02:47] I need to hang her real quick
[03:02:48] it’s my brother’s birthday
[03:02:51] off by a year
[03:02:52] I’m like this all the time
[03:02:56] so if you want to come to me
[03:02:57] for therapy
[03:02:57] this is what you get
[03:02:58] gotcha
[03:03:00] sign me up
[03:03:01] sometimes I live my life
[03:03:24] like I got sucked into
[03:03:26] proof
[03:03:26] get caught up
[03:03:27] in opinions
[03:03:28] I got so much to lose
[03:03:30] if I don’t perform well
[03:03:32] talk well
[03:03:34] give the people what they want
[03:03:36] or I’m a catch
[03:03:38] how
[03:03:38] don’t talk too loud
[03:03:48] about your struggles
[03:03:49] try to break through
[03:03:50] got that tight smile
[03:03:52] I wear when I’m trying
[03:03:53] not to be rude
[03:03:54] because I
[03:03:55] I’m a
[03:03:56] girl
[03:03:57] yellow
[03:03:58] give the people what they want
[03:04:00] but I’m a catch
[03:04:02] how
[03:04:02] and I try
[03:04:04] but I’m tired
[03:04:08] I’m shaking
[03:04:11] performance
[03:04:14] yeah slowly
[03:04:16] but surely
[03:04:18] I try
[03:04:20] and I’m tired
[03:04:24] but surely
[03:04:25] I try
[03:04:25] and I’m tired
[03:04:26] but surely
[03:04:26] but surely
[03:04:26] I’m grown
[03:04:27] but still growing
[03:04:29] yeah slowly
[03:04:32] but surely
[03:04:34] I try
[03:04:35] I said it right
[03:04:44] and everybody’s happy
[03:04:45] but me
[03:04:46] I wore it so well
[03:04:48] it covered up
[03:04:49] my identity
[03:04:50] because I pretend so well
[03:04:52] but I question as well
[03:04:54] tell the people
[03:04:55] what they want
[03:04:56] tell the people what they want
[03:04:56] to hear or get you
[03:04:58] tell the people what they want
[03:04:59] to hear or get you
[03:04:59] tell the people what they want
[03:04:59] to hear or get you
[03:04:59] tell the people what they want
[03:04:59] there’s only
[03:05:00] so much
[03:05:01] I can take
[03:05:03] and I’m still an over-raging
[03:05:05] water’s making me free
[03:05:07] and I don’t mind
[03:05:08] well
[03:05:09] guess I find myself
[03:05:11] people only want the narrative
[03:05:13] that sells
[03:05:14] well
[03:05:14] and I try
[03:05:18] and I’m trying
[03:05:22] I’m stepping
[03:05:25] performing
[03:05:26] yes
[03:05:27] slowly
[03:05:28] but surely
[03:05:30] yeah I try
[03:05:32] I’m grown
[03:05:39] but still growing
[03:05:42] yes
[03:05:43] slowly
[03:05:44] but surely
[03:05:46] I try
[03:05:47] performance
[03:05:48] can’t buy your love
[03:05:50] you can try
[03:05:51] but it never will be enough
[03:05:56] performance can’t buy your love
[03:05:58] you can try
[03:06:00] but it never will be enough
[03:06:02] performance can’t buy your love
[03:06:06] you can try
[03:06:08] you can never be enough
[03:06:10] you can try
[03:06:13] but you’re already lost
[03:06:16] try
[03:06:20] but I’m tired
[03:06:24] I’m tired
[03:06:24] I’m tired
[03:06:25] I’m tired
[03:06:26] Oh, sadly, you’re falling
[03:06:29] Yeah, slowly, but surely
[03:06:34] I’ll try
[03:06:36] And I’ll try
[03:06:40] Cause I’ll grow, but still growing
[03:06:46] Yeah, slowly, but surely
[03:06:50] I’ll try
[03:06:56] I’ll try