Spoken-word artist ‘Stevie J’ delivers an original poem, ‘The Girl You Used to Know,’ preceded by a candid personal introduction about her experiences with suicidal ideation, substance use, a BPD and bipolar diagnosis, and ultimately finding recovery during the COVID-19 quarantine. The poem celebrates her transformed identity and imminent move to Charlotte, North Carolina as a new beginning.
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Transcript
[02:57:08] I’m doing this differently
[02:57:10] So normally I just get up here and I perform
[02:57:13] Because I do the What’s Dope as well
[02:57:15] But I want to give some context, given the event
[02:57:17] So, spent most of my life
[02:57:20] I’ll do it short, as short as possible
[02:57:22] Spent most of my life, like, low-key suicidal
[02:57:24] Got real bad into substances about three years ago
[02:57:27] I committed myself
[02:57:29] And got diagnosed with borderline cancer
[02:57:30] Got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder
[02:57:32] With bipolar proclivities, whatever that means
[02:57:35] And, you know, I still didn’t get my shit together
[02:57:38] I did the research, learned about myself
[02:57:40] Was still fucking shit up for, like, the next two years, I’d say
[02:57:45] The day quarantine started, I was like, oh
[02:57:48] Shit’s not getting any easier
[02:57:50] I should probably figure out how to cope
[02:57:51] So I stopped everything the day quarantine started
[02:57:54] And like
[02:57:56] Thanks
[02:57:57] Um
[02:57:59] And just kind of
[02:58:00] Had the privilege of being able to stay home alone
[02:58:02] And just kind of work on myself
[02:58:04] So it was terrible, but a blessing
[02:58:07] Um, and now I am six days away
[02:58:09] From moving to Charlotte, North Carolina
[02:58:11] To start my life there
[02:58:13] And that’s where this poem came from
[02:58:14] Thank you, thank you
[02:58:18] The last time I was up here, I fucked it up real bad
[02:58:21] So I don’t like making eye contact with y’all
[02:58:23] So I’m gonna look at my phone while this happens
[02:58:26] Hold on
[02:58:29] Yeah, yeah, yeah
[02:58:30] It’s in front of me now
[02:58:31] I’m not gonna forget, it’s fine
[02:58:32] Alright
[02:58:33] The girl you used to know, she’s dead
[02:58:36] The one who could barely get out of bed
[02:58:38] Now I go by Stevie J
[02:58:40] The person who wakes up every day
[02:58:41] Happy to be alive
[02:58:42] Knows you just gotta believe and fucking breathe to thrive
[02:58:45] I don’t need your validation
[02:58:47] I can make my own
[02:58:48] Harvesting that good shit from the seeds that I have sown
[02:58:51] I no longer have friends whose only hobby is cocaine
[02:58:54] To numb the pain they can’t quite put their fingers on
[02:58:56] From living in a world long since gone
[02:58:58] And of course
[02:59:00] There’s this man who just wants to see me win
[02:59:02] The lust and trust I have for him has never felt like sin
[02:59:06] I am days away from making it out of this town
[02:59:08] The one that feels like living in the upside down
[02:59:10] I deserve this
[02:59:12] The freedom, the comfort, the bliss
[02:59:14] Of never needing to come back
[02:59:16] Never having another fucking panic attack
[02:59:18] I am free
[02:59:20] And despite their best efforts
[02:59:21] I became a better version of me
[02:59:23] Turns out I’m an introvert
[02:59:25] Who wears their heart on the front of their shirt
[02:59:27] I am worthy of love and divine guidance from above
[02:59:30] I never understood that I could have it all
[02:59:31] And I have finally risen from a lifelong fucking fall
[02:59:35] Cause I chose to be blessed instead of stressed
[02:59:37] Worked with my inner child
[02:59:38] And man that shadow work shit is fucking wild
[02:59:41] And I dropped things that no longer served me
[02:59:43] Swerved people who no longer deserve to be in my presence
[02:59:46] Cause I got that once in a lifetime ethereal type essence
[02:59:50] Now I have more support than I’ve ever known
[02:59:51] And it’s a testament to just how much I’ve grown
[02:59:53] So I’d like to thank my friends
[02:59:55] And me
[02:59:56] For trusting in who I was always meant to be
[02:59:58] And seeing me this far
[02:59:59] From sad nights at the bar
[03:00:00] To a home seven hours away
[03:00:02] If I could I would stay
[03:00:03] But we all know
[03:00:05] It’s better if I go
[03:00:06] But you’re welcome to visit
[03:00:07] Because I swear this isn’t it
[03:00:08] This isn’t the last you’ll hear from me
[03:00:10] I’ve just got somewhere and someone I need to be