Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbAZeaI8iH8 Starts at: 02:46:32 (jump to 02:46:32)
Cam Isaiah - Social Anxiety Story and Rap Performance
[02:46:32] Hey, give it up for Cam Isaiah, y’all. [02:46:34] Thanks. [02:46:52] I had to stoop down to talk here. [02:46:56] I haven’t gotten a chance to say this publicly yet, [02:46:58] but fuck 2020. [02:47:00] Like, honestly, 2020. [02:47:04] That was the shittiest year for everybody, like, I can’t think of circumstances that really could have put, especially someone like me, like, with my social anxiety, just my issues with depression my whole life, I mean, I don’t know, like, I feel like I’m probably the youngest person here, like, I’m 18, my whole life is getting ready to change, I’m going off to school, I’m going to American University in DC, [02:47:34] I, my whole life I’ve had a ton of trouble just kind of building basic connections with people, I was that kid in school that everybody was cool with, but nobody invited me to anything, so I was like, you know, I was cool with the popular kids, I would sometimes sit with the kid that nobody else sat with, [02:48:04] and then, [02:48:04] and just nothing ever came of it, and I never knew why, and I was always anxious, just scared to be who I am, some days I wouldn’t want to get out of bed for no reason and go to school, like, I didn’t know why, I was just like, fuck it, I don’t want to get out of bed today, and people always want that, you know, they want the context, they want the reason, they want the why, sometimes there is no reason, sometimes there is no why. [02:48:34] And that’s the frustrating part, and that’s why I felt like nobody ever really got me, and then I did meet somebody that understood me, and since I’m young, my first heartbreak of losing that person is like, holy shit, you know, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t do anything that I was doing before, it was funny that he was talking about his son and his experience and, you know, how, like, romance is the greatest thing on earth right now, and it was. [02:49:04] My relationship with this person was incredible, she would send me cat cards, because I think cats are hilarious, that’s not the coolest thing, but it’s just like, she allowed me to be, oh, here’s Cam, he’s the rapper, he’s funny, he’s, you know, awkward, but cute, and it’s like, everything, that combination, she accepted, and nobody else had ever really given me that confidence, and that’s why I’m here right now. [02:49:34] I got on stage for the first time two days ago at the What’s Dope? Showcase, which was like an open mic. [02:49:49] And I had some of my friends with me, some of these, some of the guys that performed, I saw them on social media before that, so I was like, I need to, I need to bring it tonight and be somebody that I haven’t ever been, like, I’ve never been, like, I don’t even like opening birthdays. [02:50:04] Because everybody’s looking at me, like, what’d you get, like, motherfucker, you bought it, you know what I mean. [02:50:14] Like, you know what I mean, it’s got, like, from dad, you know what it is, man. [02:50:18] But, um, so, this whole process for me, getting up here, talking, just not having anything written down, it is really full circle for me. [02:50:32] So if I can do it, um, just… [02:50:34] Everyone else that’s gotten up here tonight and has spoken, um, I certainly see parts of me in every single one of you, and I’m appreciative of that, and there is no scenario where I get up and feel comfortable to do this without people like you, and the people that have supported you guys, and have helped build you up to where you are now, and, um, this whole thing is really amazing. [02:50:58] Um, I do have a song to perform for you guys, uh, I actually wrote this. [02:51:04] When I was, like, 16. [02:51:11] It’s explicit, but, um, it was my, uh, well, I guess, you know, ex now, but it was her favorite song. [02:51:19] Um, ironically, I wrote it about a girl before her, um, so that’s, I was surprised to hear that. [02:51:27] Uh, so it’s always, it’s always an adventure to kind of, to, to live through. [02:51:34] Um, my passion of music and writing, um, so to see other people doing that same thing here tonight is, is really amazing to see. [02:51:43] So, uh, I’ll come over and set that up for you. [02:52:04] We’ll see you guys next week. [02:52:05] Bye bye. [02:52:08] Hey. [02:52:10] I’m DeLorean and this is the second message I love you, I’m sending you my best blessings [02:52:33] and. [02:52:34] And I’ve been receptive, depending on your progression [02:52:37] Since we last met, I never meant to be deceptive [02:52:40] My intentions meant the best, I stress for you [02:52:42] And if your silence is a test, then you pass [02:52:44] Cause I really miss your ass, I even caught up on your tracks [02:52:47] Don’t even notice time’s elapsed until an hour’s passed [02:52:50] I was reflecting on the times we had [02:52:51] Damn, I really want you back, could you please call me back? [02:52:55] And if our paths coincide, don’t you hide [02:52:57] Just a wave and a smile, it’ll be worthwhile [02:53:00] But for now, goodbye [02:53:01] I’ve tried to reach you every weekend [02:53:05] It’s been like two or three since one day [02:53:07] If my digits deleted, maybe you ain’t really feel me now [02:53:09] That’s not the reason, but hey, you should check my recent [02:53:12] I think I’m looking pretty decent, could you just please appease me? [02:53:15] It’s hard and easy for me to see you up in the scene [02:53:17] Probably laid around a lot, got the pulse that you dream [02:53:20] I’ve changed, spent out a lot, got nothing received [02:53:23] Now I’m pouring out to you, who knows what you believe [02:53:26] I never wanted to leave, I wanted you happy, now I want you with me [02:53:29] I know I can’t replicate things [02:53:31] These times, I blame your intricate mind state [02:53:33] Your stories used to hate me, but now I can’t shake them [02:53:36] I need your relations being stated [02:53:37] And if this is teenage fever, I’ll run 180, please save me [02:53:41] And if our paths coincide, don’t you hide [02:53:44] Just a wave and a smile, it’ll be worthwhile [02:53:46] But for now, goodbye [02:53:48] Damn, it’s been a while since we talked [02:53:51] Surprised you called, all I can see to recall [02:53:53] Is you sprawled out on bedspreads with your legs spread [02:53:56] Fucking dudes who you thought was balling out [02:53:58] Then we had our falling out, honestly snowballing out [02:54:01] You called me, you called me, you called me [02:54:01] You called me out, told me how you really felt [02:54:03] Then you left me, had me questioning my actions [02:54:05] But you weren’t a man with traction [02:54:07] At first, it didn’t happen with my rapping [02:54:09] But now you heard it, I’m murdering these verses [02:54:11] That’s why you’re returning, you probably want me to purchase [02:54:13] Your shoes and pretty purses, and you’re not a shitty person [02:54:16] You just heard it, but cut the flirting [02:54:18] And stop trying to chase guys who translate into attention [02:54:21] You got your own talents, your own visions, your own ambitions [02:54:24] You still a perfect ten and a half for me [02:54:26] Want you back, but the rational’s not with that [02:54:28] But that’s a matter of fact, call me back [02:54:30] I got some shit to do, I got some shit to do [02:54:31] I got some shit I want to ask about the past [02:54:33] And if our paths coincide, don’t you hide [02:54:35] Just a wave and a smile, it’ll be worthwhile [02:54:37] But for now, focus on yourself, while I focus on mine [02:54:41] And with time, I’ll tell a story not confined [02:54:43] Let’s streamline in the depths of our mind [02:54:45] So we got a constant rewind [02:54:47] And if our paths coincide, don’t you hide [02:54:52] Just a wave and a smile, it’ll be worthwhile [02:54:55] For now, goodbye [02:54:56] You won’t have to chase love [02:55:01] As you can love yourself [02:55:02] Your flaws and your beauties [02:55:05] We all have something to offer [02:55:06] You know a man or woman can truly reveal you to the world [02:55:10] Only you can, so rely on you [02:55:13] And don’t hide [02:55:14] Don’t hide [02:55:17] Don’t hide [02:55:17] Don’t hide [02:55:31] If I’m ever on tour and I make it [02:55:43] Hit me up [02:55:45] I’ll try and get you some backstage passes [02:55:47] Thank you [02:55:49] Don’t forget your iPad, yo