Patrick Finn performs his original slam poem ‘My Dark Parrot,’ a visceral spoken-word piece using the metaphor of an invisible parrot to personify PTSD, intrusive thoughts, and suicidal ideation. Following the poem, Patrick briefly shares that he wrote it during a flashback episode and explains how externalizing his pain through art helps him reclaim control over his trauma.
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Transcript
[01:30:18] Patrick, man. Yeah.
[01:30:21] But how are you feeling? You feeling ready?
[01:30:24] Yeah, it’s so weird.
[01:30:25] I would get like this shake.
[01:30:27] Before I ever perform, which is weird because I’m cozy in front of people.
[01:30:31] Yeah, it still happens. It’s so weird.
[01:30:33] Yeah.
[01:30:34] And you’re in a screen too.
[01:30:38] Anxiety is a strange, strange thing.
[01:30:41] It really, really is.
[01:30:45] All right.
[01:30:46] Let me know when you’re ready.
[01:30:48] All right. Let her rip, man.
[01:30:50] Let’s do it.
[01:30:51] Well, hi. Hi, everybody.
[01:30:52] Thank you so much.
[01:30:54] My name is Patrick Finn.
[01:30:57] I’m here to compose a slam poem that I made called My Dark Parrot.
[01:31:01] Enjoy.
[01:31:04] Did I ever tell you about my dark parrot?
[01:31:07] He sits right here on my shoulder.
[01:31:10] Well, obviously he’s invisible, but his weight resembles that of a massive boulder.
[01:31:15] And he repeats things.
[01:31:17] He repeats a lot.
[01:31:18] This seemingly endless squawk riddled with realities that I thought I’d forgot.
[01:31:24] Obsessed with my past, he flies to first and foremost.
[01:31:27] And leaves me last.
[01:31:28] He shouts my past from the finish line, but I run back.
[01:31:31] He flies faster.
[01:31:32] And I could have sworn I was his master.
[01:31:37] But remember, he can fly.
[01:31:39] He flies as I sink.
[01:31:41] And then returns to me once again, eagerly clawing open my eyes so I never get a chance to blink.
[01:31:46] No, he’s forcing me to look.
[01:31:48] With no chance to read, the good book just caught on that look that I took.
[01:31:53] Left to sit, to wait, and marinate in a past that still leaves me.
[01:31:57] Shook.
[01:31:58] But then, suddenly, while attached, he flies high.
[01:32:03] And he brings me along.
[01:32:05] And I’m soaring happily through the clouds.
[01:32:08] And that parrot convincingly exclaims that nothing can go wrong.
[01:32:12] And I believed him.
[01:32:14] That fucker, I believed him.
[01:32:16] He drops me.
[01:32:18] And then I fall.
[01:32:18] And I fall fast.
[01:32:20] Hitting the ground so hard, even my mind needs a cast.
[01:32:24] I have a dark parrot.
[01:32:26] Did I mention he’s invisible?
[01:32:27] To which, in my confusion, my mind becomes divisible.
[01:32:31] Three parts.
[01:32:32] Three thoughts.
[01:32:33] Me, myself, or that gun on my shelf.
[01:32:36] And then I pause.
[01:32:37] And I hear my wrist wrapped in gauze.
[01:32:39] Feeling the fears of so many years of so many tears.
[01:32:42] That clouded the memory of all of my loving peers.
[01:32:45] Their faces now gone, but their heads are on my lawn.
[01:32:49] Each resembling my own in this constant, agonizing mode.
[01:32:55] Mine is a dark parrot.
[01:32:57] I shake, I scream, and I try to replace this nightmare with some beautiful dream.
[01:33:03] I try, but the parrot won’t die.
[01:33:06] Well, not at least until I can find my own way to fly.
[01:33:11] Thank you.
[01:33:14] So, real quick, that poem.
[01:33:17] Thank you.
[01:33:18] I always like to put this at the end.
[01:33:19] That poem is, I wrote that in a, basically, a state of,
[01:33:25] when I was having flashbacks.
[01:33:27] I’m living with PTSD and a lot of other things.
[01:33:30] And in that state, I was able to channel it.
[01:33:33] And I was able to focus and just get what was going on in outside.
[01:33:38] So I could see it.
[01:33:39] So it doesn’t have control of me.
[01:33:40] And that’s why I do these things.
[01:33:41] It’s the only one I have.
[01:33:42] And I’m going to make more of it to show all of you that you’re worth it.
[01:33:46] That we have a story.
[01:33:47] That that story does not, that we are not the product of our past.
[01:33:51] We are together.
[01:33:53] We are warriors.
[01:33:54] And we have so much more.
[01:33:55] We have so much more ink left in our pen.
[01:33:56] So keep fighting, everybody.
[01:33:58] You’re worth it.
[01:33:58] And I love all of you.
[01:33:59] Thank you.