Professional skateboarder Chris Haslam shares how the failure of his independent board brand in 2019 thrust him into his first serious experience with depression, anxiety, and isolation — and how the sudden suicide of his friend and fellow skater Ben Ramers became the catalyst for redirecting his brand toward mental health education and advocacy within the skateboarding community.
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Transcript
[00:31:20] enough to say that I’ve been able to make skateboarding a career of mine for the past
[00:31:24] 20 years, you know, it’s one of those childhood dream type scenarios, you know, I guess I’ll
[00:31:33] start by giving you a little bit of a background of where I come from, you know, what my life’s
[00:31:41] like and then how it relates to what this video is about, you know, ideal childhood
[00:31:49] really, no major traumatic events in my life.
[00:31:54] Childhood, my lifestyle back then, my parents are still together, my, you know, brother
[00:32:02] and sister, awesome, we traveled the world, we experienced different cultures, we, I graduated
[00:32:09] high school in Singapore, I, you know, started skating in 1995, 94, you know, just no issues
[00:32:20] to cause any sort of mental instability or anything.
[00:32:24] Anything like that, always had my parents’ support, that kind of, it was perfect, you
[00:32:36] know, got into skating, graduated high school in Singapore and then I moved to Vancouver
[00:32:40] in 97, still skating, went to university and then about a year or two into that, I got
[00:32:49] a call from some companies in California.
[00:32:54] Yeah.
[00:32:54] Yeah.
[00:32:54] You know, ride for their companies and that’s when it kind of went from ideal childhood
[00:33:00] to ideal adulthood scenario and, you know, it went on that way for 20 years and it’s
[00:33:10] been, you know, from 2000 to about right now, so 20 years, yeah, I mean, well, in 2016,
[00:33:22] I left my board sponsor.
[00:33:24] I left my board sponsor and my shoe sponsor and at the time, I was like, okay, well, you
[00:33:32] know, I’m at that age where, was it, I mean, 36, 37, I mean, I’m already kind of coming
[00:33:39] up to the tail end of my career here, but, so I didn’t expect to get any other board
[00:33:44] brands or any other sponsors or anything like that, so the next step for me to do was to
[00:33:48] start my own brand.
[00:33:49] And so, I turned around and I was like, okay, well, I’m at that age where I was at 36, 37,
[00:33:54] so I tried and like I said, I left in 2016 and then I moved to Barcelona for a year,
[00:34:01] started filming a video part in Barcelona, filmed in Barcelona and then I finished it,
[00:34:12] came back in Vancouver in 2018, we did all the editing in 2018 and still trying to work
[00:34:22] on this brand.
[00:34:24] the initial launch date and in february last year 2019 i uh launched the video with the board brand
[00:34:35] in february and as soon as i launched it it just went belly up everything about the brand uh
[00:34:42] just was insane went total nightmare this first time in my life i’ve experienced any sort of
[00:34:49] serious uh internal mental uh depression anxiety financial
[00:34:57] uh financial anxieties anything like that you know trust issues with people i was dealing with
[00:35:04] all kinds of stuff but i was legally bound not to say anything so i couldn’t speak to anybody
[00:35:10] about it uh so i had to deal with it all solo and i had no idea how to do it
[00:35:18] no idea
[00:35:19] these problems of mine i felt like were the only problems in the world
[00:35:26] and even when i did see other people’s issues
[00:35:31] it made me feel like mine weren’t that big so i didn’t need to waste anyone’s time even though
[00:35:37] they’re massive in my world you know what i mean um so yeah from february to october i it was when
[00:35:49] all the months it took for me to actually start the brand and the process during which
[00:35:54] time it changed kind of changed its course a little bit um
[00:36:01] huge huge point in the change was uh in may um i was driving to um actually well first i didn’t have
[00:36:11] anything i didn’t know how to deal with it because skating was my hobby right and it was my work
[00:36:14] so it was my escape so i would try and escape
[00:36:19] uh anything that would kind of remotely be depressing or give me any sort of emotional
[00:36:24] like jitters by skating and it would do the trick and then it would either sort itself out or give
[00:36:30] me time to think about how to deal with it but i couldn’t with this because it was uh too
[00:36:36] intertwined the brand was my skating and my skating is the brand so every time i went skating
[00:36:43] i just could not get motivated to do anything so it didn’t help at all so i couldn’t do anything
[00:36:49] so uh i had other hobbies what do i do i trade my truck in for a van and i went ocd on my van and
[00:36:58] converted it and i mean it was one of those things where it was like start at seven and at
[00:37:08] nine pm and it felt like an hour type thing you know i wasn’t hungry so i could just go all day
[00:37:14] uh but obviously i need to put some sort of structure in your day otherwise you just turn in
[00:37:19] to bad habits but um so i did that you know i would do this walk around with my dog she’s gone
[00:37:31] um i do this a lot you know and uh and so may comes around
[00:37:41] and my buddy louis calls me i’m i’m driving down to california from vancouver coincidentally right
[00:37:49] now and louis is just about to get to santa cruz and louis calls me and tells me my friend ben
[00:37:55] ramers has just committed suicide and i was just with ben in barcelona filming for some of these
[00:38:02] uh tricks in my part and i there was no i could not see anything there was nothing
[00:38:11] coming off of him saying any sort of mental distress or any anything like that and so the next
[00:38:20] well the next forever was me trying to figure out not that i needed to figure anything out was
[00:38:28] how i didn’t know it was unacceptable for me even though you know everyone didn’t know it was
[00:38:36] unexpected for me not to know what was going on with him like i felt like i was an approachable guy
[00:38:40] you know a friend you could talk to me about stuff and couldn’t couldn’t do it i couldn’t see anything
[00:38:48] he couldn’t
[00:38:49] So anyway, it gave me a new direction for what I wanted to do with the brand.
[00:38:57] And ever since his, ever since May last year, ever since that phone call,
[00:39:03] the whole world of mental health has just like blown up in skateboarding. Like I’ve just noticed so
[00:39:11] many things involved with mental instabilities and just illnesses and health and stuff like that,
[00:39:20] that kind of cemented the fact that I need to do my part to try and, you know, broaden
[00:39:29] people’s education on this stuff, broaden my own. So anyway, the brand I started now,
[00:39:35] the direction I’m going now is that it’s more of a,
[00:39:40] it’s a journey of
[00:39:41] my own education into the world of mental health through skateboarding, because that is my
[00:39:47] platform. And I’m hoping people will follow me and educate themselves through what I’m doing.
[00:39:55] And while I’m getting educated at the same time could possibly see and find things that could
[00:40:01] help them or people they know that are going through some stuff. And that’s basically what the
[00:40:12] gist of it is right now. I mean, I would, I want this thing to succeed so I can, you know,
[00:40:19] I’ve been donating money. I’m selling, I mean, making my art, putting my art onto boards and
[00:40:23] selling them and then donating some to like, you know, just charities that I see like Project
[00:40:28] Semicolon and even Ben Raymer’s Foundation and stuff like that. So I want to keep that going.
[00:40:34] But, you know, I’m doing small quantities right now. I want to, you know, expand this thing to something big.
[00:40:41] So that I can, you know, have more, more things to contribute, you know, instead of just my skating
[00:40:51] and stuff like that. But I mean, I just literally got the ball rolling again in October. So it’s
[00:40:57] only been a couple months and 2020 has kind of gone upside down. I don’t know what’s happening.
[00:41:10] But
[00:41:11] there’s always room for improvements in what I’m doing. So I’m just working towards educating
[00:41:16] myself and hopefully people will follow. And that’s basically what, what’s going on.
[00:41:25] So yeah, I look forward to hearing everyone else’s stories and, you know,
[00:41:32] who knows what the future holds. See you guys.
[00:41:38] Hey, folks.
[00:41:40] My name is
[00:41:41] Chris Haslam.
[00:41:44] Those of you who don’t know me, I’ve been a
[00:41:59] All right, we’re back.